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Fun Fridays – January 24, 2020 – Puns for Lexophiles

A Little Bit of Pun for Lexophiles (Lover of Words)

These puns are not original. But they are delightful to read again!
Do you have any you can add?

Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

If a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey; but, thankfully, I turned myself around.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

I’ve just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop for a run, you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

Don’t trust atoms; they make up everything.

If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you’d have a small medium at large.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

Your debt will stay with you if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

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Floating … Floating … Gone …

Writers conferences and blogs talk about this topic often so I don’t pretend to be breaking new ground with this post. Yet I still see some floating body parts and cliches creep into otherwise great stories. No, I don’t mean murder mysteries depicting a stray arm floating in a river. I mean much gentler fare.

Yes, floating body parts offer the reader — and writer — shortcuts. But relying on them as description in narrative doesn’t challenge anyone’s imagination.

Rolling eyes

The offender I see most often is:

“She rolled her eyes.”

Yes, we all know this means that her eyes went from the ceiling and back. No, wait a minute. Her eyes didn’t go the ceiling and back. Her gaze went to the ceiling and back. See the difference? No pun intended.

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A Writer’s Double Portion (A Prayer)

Gracious God, who inspired faulty and feeble people in times past to write for the purpose of changing lives, please let some of that spirit–a double portion, even, as I am faultier and feebler than they were—rest on me as a writer. Grant me the productivity of Moses, who though …

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The Stages of Editorial Grief

Nearly every writer will tell you they have experienced the proverbial “red pen” treatment from their editor. The reactions to this experience can follow the well-known stages of grief popularized by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

Skip Denial, I’m Angry!

There is no denying that the edits have arrived. And for the author who was not expecting a hard-nosed edit, they can transition from “shocked-angry” to “furious-angry” to “rage.”

And then they call their agent.

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