Terrible Christian Puns
None of these puns are original. I take no credit or blame. (I only laughed.) All were found floating around the Internet.
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Where is a square dance class mentioned in the Bible?
Jonah 4:11: “There are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left.”
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out. And, of course, even later, the Prodigal Son went home.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
“Crown Him with Many Crowns”
Extra credit: “Holy, Holy, Holy”
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
Why should you avoid jogging?
Proverbs 28:1 reads, “The wicked run when no one is chasing them.”
What is a weather reporter’s favorite hymn?
“There Shall Be Showers of Blessing”
What did God say after He created Adam?
“I can do better than that.” And so, He created woman.
—–This joke was placed here under protest.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
—–This joke was placed here under protest and revenge.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
What is an Internal Revenue Service (IRS) Agent’s hymn?
“I Surrender All”
Who was the first person to download something from a cloud to two tablets?
Moses.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
What is one of the things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out of the Garden?
They raised Cain.
What was the first computer?
It was an Apple. But with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. Then everything crashed.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
What’s an evangelist’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
What time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
Who was the fastest runner in the Bible?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
What man in the Bible had no parents?
Joshua, son of None.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
What animal did Noah find it difficult to trust?
The cheetah.
