I’m back to talk a little more about description and how it can advance the plot.
First, descriptions can foreshadow events or provide important information. What do I mean by foreshadowing events? First it helps to understand what foreshadowing means. If you think back to your freshman high school English 101 class, you’ll remember that foreshadowing involves giving subtle hints or clues about what will happen later in the story. Descriptive elements can be used to create an air of anticipation or forewarning without directly revealing future events.
For example: I have a character who is claustrophobic. She hates enclosed spaces. Like her biggest nightmare would be to be trapped in a small space with no way out. I show that a few times throughout the story as a way of foreshadowing the big climactic event where she’s–yep, you guessed it–trapped in a small, enclosed space. Specifically, a coffin. Yikes!
What about in Oliver’s and Sophia’s story?
Click here to read the first scene again to refresh your memory if you need it.
Once you’re finished, see if the description advances the plot. Here are some thoughts on that.
- Foreshadowing: So, here we have a brief mention of Oliver’s work as a forensic artist and his daughter’s prayer for an unknown family. Both of these are hints at the darker side of his job and suggest that his work might play a significant role in the plot. (Which we know it does.)
- Building Tension: So, we start with Oliver in the everyday normal, right? The calm, routine morning of getting Gia off to school contrasts sharply with the chaos Oliver encounters at his lab. This contrast is like the needle scraping across the record. (Am I dating myself with that description?) The tension shoots toward the roof when he discovers the break-in, making the moment more impactful.
- Introducing Conflict: The description of the lab in total chaos introduces a clear conflict. The destruction of equipment, torn notes, and shattered laptop indicate that someone has deliberately targeted Oliver’s work. Now the reader wants to know why, right? All of that pushes the plot forward.
- Plot Progression: Oliver’s discovery of the break-in, his reaction, and his decision to call 911 set the stage for the following investigation and the challenges he will face.
- Emotional Engagement: The detailed description of Oliver’s morning routine with Gia and his mother creates an emotional connection, making the reader care about the characters and want to know more about them.
- Suspense and Mystery: The description of the sound from behind the bathroom door at the end of the scene adds an element of suspense, leaving the reader eager to know who or what caused the noise and why the lab was targeted.
- Character Insight: Oliver’s gratitude for the small things in life, despite the exhaustion, reveals his resilience and positive outlook. This character trait is a good indication of how he’ll handle the challenging events that are coming his way.
- Setting Up Future Events: The detailed depiction of the break-in and the implied search for something specific hints at something bigger.
- Critical Information: Descriptions can also convey critical information that is necessary for understanding the plot, characters, or setting. This information helps to build the narrative and ensures that readers have the context needed to follow the story.
Take a look at your work in progress and decide if your description pushes your story forward–advances the plot–or bogs it down. And if you can think of a good example where the author did a great job using description to advance the plot, please share.
If only I could just describe
the lovely shadowed light outside,
the cool dawn air that I imbibe,
you’ld never guess what would betide
after the sun peeks o’er the hill
across the misted valley, east,
then launche self with iron will
to become a sky-borne beast
of steel-bladed furnace-flame
to batter all that lies below,
turning torment to its game
that makes one long for high-banked snow,
but do not fret, that day will come
when high desert’s summer’s done.
Wow, this was very informative and helpful. Especially with a scene that I’ve been a little stuck on in my novel, because it was lacking in an emotional engagement that actually is important to the story’s forward movement. Thank you!
As far as examples, Colleen McCullough’s The Ladies of Missalonghi stands out with her subtle hints spread about like the threads of a spider’s web. All of which draw you spiraling inward tighter and tighter until you can no longer put the book down. Thank goodness it’s a short read.
Here is description from the opening chapter of my own Christian sci-fi novel, THE CAVE CHAMBER, published in 2022 by Winged Publications. It is a dark story with hope at the end.
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An odd thought passed through his mind, Hey, Lewis, aren’t you a little manic? Static tickled in his brain, but he brushed it away while he combed his dark hair. It was getting long and wavy … and maybe a little coarse because he kept forgetting to eat. His skin and eyes were a warm brown. I look a lot like Lord Charon. How wonderful!
His apartment had been designed and decorated for royalty, and it was near Lord Charon’s own palace residence. There were no windows – How long has it been since you even stepped outside to look at the sunshine? interjected the annoying inner voice.
My apartment is fantastic, he countered. There was plenty of light from tall lamps. His room had a high ceiling curved like a canopy, with a beautiful carved marble lotus at each corner, and white marble walls. An ebony black lattice hid his bed, which was neatly made and covered with slate-gray silk brocade.
Lewis sat at his desk. Humming, he held up his right hand and admired the new ring on his third finger. It was gold with a black diamond – a high status symbol.
Yo, Lewis, didn’t you notice what finger that Horned Edge ring is on?
Quickly, Lewis covered his hand. After a moment, feeling stubborn, he opened it to display his ring again. In fact, he was proud of it. I like it here. I like this room, this desk, and this ring.
Hi, Lynette!
Thanks for a beautifully concise bullet-pointed checklist format, and for the insights and examples from the Sophia and Oliver story. I’ve learned so much since joining CWI, and especially from WTP, that my novel The Orphanage (currently with Jennifer Crosswhite for developmental edit) has begun to “live and breathe” a bit more. No, a LOT more!
Thanks for your encouragement and interest.