A writers’ group I’m involved in often plays a game where we share the first line of our work-in-progress. I’m always so intrigued and impressed with what these talented writers share. So let’s do the same here. Whether your work is fiction or nonfiction, go ahead and share your first line! And please, ONLY the first line. It’s a great way to see if it’s effective.
I’ll start:
First line of my current fiction Work=In-Progress:
Well, at least this would prove that my mother was wrong all these years: stepping foot in the kitchen was going kill me!
Bestselling Books in 1974
The sun stood at its full height over the once lush valley, laid waste by the ravages of battle, now a barren waste land littered with corpses and blood soaked earth. THE STONE OF EBENEZER by Susan Van Volkenburgh
Hi Susan,
Great job of combining lush and corpses in your first sentence. Intriguing start to your story.
I like the contrast here of the cold corpses and hot sun. Imagine the smell! 🙂
Very nice! Draws me in, and I don’t say that often.
Susan, you painted an intriguing opening scene with just one sentence–nicely done.
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
Thank you Jackie, April, Michael, and Wendy. You encourage me. I am so glad you saw what I was trying to convey.
Great first line Karen. Here’s the first line from The Bye Way Inn:
The final goodbye was only a few hours away.
Jackie, this already pulls the reader into the story. Final goodbye? Why must there be a parting that will last forever?
Jackie, way to go on making me want to know more.
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
I love this, Jackie! I agree—it definitely pulls a person in!
I’m not a fiction writer, so I have nothing to share. But my favorite first line of all time comes from Garrison Keillor’s “Pontoon”: “Evelyn was an insomniac, so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.”
I love that. It actually makes me want to go read the novel…
Ha! Love dry humor. Great first line.
Nancy, I love the humor. It makes me think it’s going to be a fun read as well as captivating. I like mysteries too.
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
That just made me smile. 🙂
From the WIP: Listen to a thing that I was sent to tell you: it is the story of a man, a warrior, and some of it you know, but you do not know the whole of it, and it is needful that you do.
Ahhhhh!!!
Want now.
Me too!
Love the lyrical feel of this!
A good first line can really keep me reading. Never underestimate the power of a good first line. Not sure if my current WIP’s line is a little too cliche, but here you go:
“Once upon a time, a sky prince fell in love with a water princess.”
Ivane, I love this. There is already conflict brewing. Sky prince and water princess. Where would they live? 🙂
Aww… Thanks, Kathy! 🙂 This is one story I’m really excited about, but then again… I always am excited about my stories in the beginning, then the nitty-gritty of the writing happens and well… *facepalm*
It is a sunny, crystal clear, late Southern California afternoon and something wicked is brewing deep within the bowels of the old house.
First line from my new thriller, Devil’s Cauldron, a Work in Progress.
Imma knew she should be terrified, but all she felt was peace. I don’t have a good name for this yet and I decided not to agonize over the first line until later!
‘The coffin’s nice.’ She said.
The first line from a short story I am working on.
I hate boys’ games.
That grabbed me immediately. Like, BAM!
Thanks, it’s from a memoir – and the first chapter introduces the characters. The first scene is a child’s game of caveman – a game where the cavemen boys try to catch the girls in their hula hoop lassos. If the girls won, the boys would have to play house. The chapter ends detailing one of the first incestuous scenes with my father – at age seven, he played the game – hide the soap in the bathtub – needless to say where he found it. So the I hate boys’ games applies throughout the chapter. Have a blessed day.
“I tell you, Percy, my uncle’s entire American experiment will be nothing but a disaster. Just look at this hodgepodge of people.”
Bree had no clue what she would find when she finally got up Wednesday morning at 6:00, her normal wake up time since having given birth four weeks ago.
Invitation: Attend my funeral this Thursday.
Another one:
If I could love my father as much as my dog.
I like both of these—the first one less detail more intrigue—the second more info but still like it.
Leslie Mylady had completely lost her mind.
“Mama did her best to smooth her curly, blond hair back.” – from Imagined
“War was upon them.”
From Under a Warrior’s Moon.
Like the image – makes war a character too for it is upon them.
Exactly! As the war is an historical event and it blanketed everyone and everything. Thanks for seeing that something as all encompasing as war can be a character.
Jennifer, great hook right at the starting gate.
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
thanks!
This line definitely puts you in the middle of the action! Looking forward to reading this book, Jennifer!
Thanks, Jeanne!
So many of those first lines are great and make me want to read the books. Here’s the first line from my suspense WIP currently titled Beyond the Tracks:
SKREEEEEEEEE! The world tipped onto its ear.
Diane, this caught my attention and makes me want to know a lot more. Good hook.
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
I’d always thought my greatest dream and my worst nightmare would, at the very least, take different shifts.
I love the humor in the line and curious what the dream and nightmare entail.
Love this!! Brilliant!
“You can come visit, but we won’t be having sex.”
Well, THAT’s a startling first line! It’s pretty clear that the person talking (I wish I knew who that was) has had a prior relationship with the other individual. I mean, no one would be so bold to presume the other person is thinking about having sex if there wasn’t some history there. So it immediately raises the question–what happened between them?
Becky
“One Wednesday deep into the fall I found myself waiting in the car with the engine already running” Shotgun Rider
“I’ll do the whole roof for seven thousand dollars, but I want the pig.”
Oh, that’s from my curreny WIP “Retreat to Shelter Creek”
Like a dispensing gumball, Claire Bennett pinged against, around and between hordes of straw hats, bikinis, and plaid shorts.
I love the word picture and feeling this line gives a reader. 🙂
Karen, I like the mix of humor and intrigue in your first line.
Here’s the first line of my mystery WIP: Leaves lay flattened on either side of the road, and only the occasional one danced, as if resurrected, when the car in front of them passed by.
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
After reading everyones’ great first sentences I think I’ll switch to one that has more of a hook to it. Here it goes: “Why hasn’t she answered her phone for the last three days?” Kerri asked her husband before continuing to chew on her thumbnail.
Nice line, Wendy. It gives both the setting and a feeling of desolation. Makes me want to step inside your world.
OK, so i’m on hydrocodone. That last msg wasn’t proofread.
Here’s my first line from Embracing Faith:
Nestling a baby in her arms would be one part bliss and ten parts agony.
This is a book I want to read!
Awww. This saddens me, but I want to know the WHY in the story.
Beautiful, Jeanne!
Thanks, Heather. 🙂
Jeanne, there’s a lot of pain here and it stirs my empathy. Good line.
Ten-years-old. Staring out the window at the street below. “When he comes back how will he know where I am?”
This really tugs at my heart. Thought maybe the third sentence might be the best starter. But I am no expert.
Thank you. I’m playing with style in this opening and setting up the hero’s emotional conflict. This is a repeating motif with his age changing and him looking out the window asking this question.
Awww, Rachel. My heart aches for that ten-year old! Sounds like a great start to a great book!
Aww, so sad! Kids and parental issues always get me.
The ocean surface flickers in the fading sunlight, and I glare back.
From my WIP At The Water’s Edge.
I like this. “Glaring back” isn’t the usual response to the ocean. That sets a mood and shows the character a bit.
Becky
Very nice. I can relate to this experience, so I’m curious why this character feels the way he/she does.
Kristen, the MC has an ongoing battle with the ocean, an overwhelming urge to walk in until she’s submerged.
I like the personification of the ocean!
Here’s mine from my book, To Die Once:
Jennifer Tinghir hated her work at the cashier unit of the bank.
The dark shades block out the light so I can sleep late, because dreaming is the only time I’m whole.
From Acid
Thanks for this, Karen. It’s always good to get feedback.
From LIARS AND THIEVES, most definitely a work in progress:
Becky
I love the feelings this gives off — cold, ancient, sadness, despair, tension. I want to know Josiah. I want to know why he’s going up those stairs and what he’ll find or do when he gets to the wall. It feels like it won’t be something good — it feels like one of those life-changing moments, where life is talked about in terms of before and after — and I want a front-row seat when it happens.
Thanks, Sophia. I’m still playing with it and undoubtedly won’t settle on anything until I’ve finished writing the whole thing, but I appreciate your feedback. It really helps to know how the line strikes others. And yes, this is a pivotal moment. 😉
Becky
Mark was leaving–again.
Oh, Sally. That “Again” really says a lot!
Father is right…he will lose everything and destroy Anna’s life.
“Hide the knives.”
This line comes from what I thought was going to be the middle of my story, but during a writing workshop it popped into my head as a great first line.
What do you think?
I love this as an opening line. I don’t know what to expect. Is it something comical or something terrifying? The only part that feels slightly off (to me) are the quotes. But I’d really have to see the next few lines before I made a judgment call on that.
Good point, Theresa. The quotes are there because the main character says this to her boyfriend. They’re visiting her parents, and they’ve just witnessed a startling outburst from her father who has dementia. Her imagination goes into overdrive about other unpredictable ways he might act out because of his illness, which is when this idea pops into her head.
I think there’s intrigue, but I’m not a big fan of dialogue for a first line. I don’t know the characters or situation, so generally the line loses some of its punch, I think. Is this said in jest or is this someone living with an abuser? Is there real danger or is there a close, fun relationship that can handle teasing? First lines certainly don’t answer those kinds of questions, but I think if they hint one way or the other, then readers will know what to look for next. Just my thoughts.
Becky
Thank you, Becky!
And to address your question, and Theresa’s, I’m wrestling with the idea of how to tell the story of a family’s tragic, sometimes terrifying, journey after their loved one’s diagnosis of dementia, while also capturing the richly comical, light-hearted and bittersweet side of the story. I haven’t found the right voice for it yet.
I’ve been thinking on this one. I liked the excitement and now that I know what it is about, it does have that comical touch to it.
Having had a grandma with Alzheimer’s, there is always that bit of humor in the hard of it. (Like her screaming in the middle of the bank “This man is stealing my money!” when she walked in with my dad.) If I didn’t know what it was about, I would have said no to reading on because of the knives. But I say yes, it’s good now that I have a clue.
Thank you, Sandy!
“If Sean O’Shay weren’t already dancing with Jesus, I’d kill him myself.”
From my WIP–Surrendered
Great opening line.
Love that first line. Catches my attention!
That’s kind of a shocking line–someone referencing Jesus and revealing a murderous attitude in the same line. Certainly caught my attention.
Becky
What a fun first line. And then a bit sad. 🙂
“The ground stared up at her like a wrinkled face, blistered and moaning for water.”
Sandy, I really like this line. It’s quite evocative. I would like to know who the character is, though. Characters hook me the most.
Becky
Thanks Rebecca
I thought about throwing the name in – maybe I should. But you do catch it in the very first word of the second sentence.
GREAT first lines, all. Having a blast reading them. Thanks for playing!
If Jaclyn Grimm hadn’t already lost a night’s sleep keeping Mina alive, she’d be tempted to finish her off. Favorite blouses do that to sisters. –From Big, Bad Wolfe
I know it’s two lines, but I had to get the punch line in.
Hmmm. Just started to tackle the whole “captivating first line” challenge the other day so here goes:
Once the intensity in the emergency department eased to a hush Tracy thumbed the white edged photo of her father who stood stalwart in his dark uniform but she ordered her longing for the safety of his arms to be discharged quicker than the portly patient who’d been complaining of abdominal pain.
In another time and place, he might have been a pirate, but this was neither the time nor the place.
Oh, Jenny. What a fun line.
First line from other WIP…
“He should have let her drown.”
Love this and it makes me want to know what happened!
This has the promise of wit, snark, and lots of laughs. Really, what can be so bad about this woman? Good line.
Karen, first line ONLY, per instructions.
“I didn’t order another drink” said the young US Army soldier to the pretty cocktail waitress in the sexy but tasteful outfit, after all, this was a class hotel.
Terriffic blog query. Investigates creativity and ability to follow simple directions all in one easy request! Genius!
Loved your first line. I don’t personally know of any women who were killed by stepping foot in the kitchen but I know more than a few of their loved ones who nearly were as a result. lol
They whispered hurriedly into unsuspecting ears while swords destined for their tongues swung mercilessly overhead.
Outside, the hot urgency of survival pulse.
Thanks so much for letting us share! The first line of my latest novel (Miranda Warning, an Appalachian mystery just released June 20th), is this:
“I chose the day I would die.”
I love first lines and I always want mine to be real zingers. 🙂
Thanks for starting this, Karen! It’s always fun to see what other people come up with.
So, here are mine:
From my novel-in-progress, Inconceived —
The second time I went to the Nashville Women’s Clinic, someone went with me.
***
And from my nonfiction WIP, Spinstered —
This is a love story.
My name is Emily Burns and this is the story I never intended to write.
I love this!!! Hooked me.
There are some fantastic first lines here! I haven’t gotten to the stage where I’m focused on the first line just yet, but here’s the first sentence in Scrivener at the moment:
“With classical music softly filling the air around her, Melody Harrison polished off her peppermint tea and placed her mug in the sink.”
from WIP Greater Still
First line from A Lily Among Thorns
Lily’s body twitched as her eyes popped open, a shiver of fear traveling down her spine.
The first line of my WIP- Home Field
“Mom, can we stop soon?” A child’s drowsy plea sounded from the back seat of the Jeep.
Having traveled with small children in the car, this caught my attention immediately, Laurie.
WIP: In the sky there was a horse.
Everyone lives by rules—either self-imposed or made by others.
Cinderella is dating Peter Pan, again.
Sounds fun, took my interest and made me wonder about them and where they are headed.
Intriguing and funny!
First line of work in progress (historical novel):
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trying this again — 1st line of WIP, historical fiction:
IN THE EAST, in a country washed by sunglare and by slender rivers that drop from distant mountains to gash the desert flats and seek the sea—there in the East one early morning a child always restless was seized by a sudden stillness.
I really liked this and I don’t usually like a really long first line. If it were me I would start with ‘In the country”. I felt like I was there. I could see the layout of the land and I loved your descriptions and you put the character right in it. If I can feel it, I am hooked.
“I had a very happy childhood, until I started remembering it.” — It’s not part of a WIP yet, but I love the line.
Opening line from my current WIP: I curled into myself, screams dying to moans.
“This would be the summer that changed Chloe’s life forever. At least, that was what the brochure promised, and she should know for she’d read it enough times over the past seven months to have it memorised.”
Hafton Valley, Oregon
The best parents a guy could ever have and I killed them–death and a half, the worst kind—twice–you hear me, God, if you are even real–I didn’t want them dead.
From my Figleaf Mystery about a young Oregon policeman who owes an Arab sheik a million dollar favor.
The theme is human trafficking of preschool boys from third world countries to be racing camel jockeys because of the boys low weights.
Wow! These have been some really good first lines. Here’s mine from Christmas in Stoney Creek.
Scruffy and somewhat dirty as well as odourous, the old man shrank into the corner of his seat on the train.
“Abandoning her at Conklin House hadn’t been Father’s intention, and like the good girl she was, Lorna Caine had vowed forgiveness that first summer.”
I’m late posting as I was gone last week, many of these first lines are intriguing. They’re spurring my own creativity and urge to write.
Flimsy paper coloring books bursting with partially shaded images packed the shelves of a child’s room: my room, each page within bearing witness to a minor flaw. -the art of God {excerpt}
so, i’m working on my very first manuscript for a non-fiction inspirational memoir. here goes!
If I may be so bold, I would say that my husband and I, like Isaiah, came face to face with the Holy of Holies and we are not the same.
this is from Muse
“The phone vibrated.
I suddenly woke up. Oh, what the hell? Already morning? Please, stop! I started to search for my phone under my pillow while mumbling. Of course that having my head still on it wasn’t helping.”
“You’re slipping.” Sweat beaded on Reno’s brow as he struggled to hold Cassie’s ankles and keep her from falling into the hole.