Today’s post is the second installment of definitions about different types of editing.
If line editing, that means someone “fixing” the craft.
Sometimes I receive submissions from authors who need more practice in craft. That’s okay! Even the most experienced authors can improve. However, once we’ve agreed to work together, you’ll know that I believe you have mastered craft and that your work is excellent enough to present to editors.
I have listed below the most common areas for improvement I see from newer authors (and sometimes even in published books). I wrote the examples offered. None are either intentionally or unintentionally taken from any published or unpublished work:
1. Too many conversational tags.
Maximillian sighed. “I wish you would think more of me before you go about making decisions that will affect our lives, Mimosa,” he said.
Mimosa glared at Maximillian. “I will do what I want to do when I want to,” she shot back.
Maximillian took a swig of his drink before answering. “In that case, we are through,” he declared.
2. Conversational tags that are too detailed.
Unneeded adverb:
“If only you loved me as much as I love you,” Sebastian told Verona sadly.
Sarcasm (or other speaker emotion) is noted when the reader should intuit the context:
“Well, Roxanna, you did get up at five this morning; wash four loads of laundry; iron Dwight’s oxford-cloth shirts; go to spin class; cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for six people; work on your novel; and teach school. I don’t understand why you’re tired,” Midge said sarcastically.
3. Conversational tags that aren’t doing the right job or doing the job right.
“Give me the gun!” said Dorian.
Try: “Give me the gun!” shouted Dorian.
“Hand over the package or else!” said Axel.
Try: “Hand over the package or else!” threatened Axel.
“I don’t like you,” hissed Tawny.
Instead, use hissing sounds with, “You slithering snake!” hissed Tawny.
4. Too much unnecessary description of places.
When I started writing novels, an editor rightly suggested that I avoid too much travelogue. This tendency is tough to tame when a writer is excited about a recent trip. When writing a description, ask yourself how much the reader needs to know to feel the sense of place enough to believe the story. Accuracy is foremost. Be sure not to have wildflowers blooming at the wrong time of the year for the area, for example.
5. Asking the reader to invest too much emotion in a character who ultimately doesn’t matter to the story.
If, as an author, you are giving too much time to a character, ask yourself why. Why has this character captured your imagination? Does the character need her own story?
6. Offer description as appropriate through logical characters.
From a detective:
The redhead with brown roots and freckles looked innocent enough, but he placed her on his mental list of suspects.
From a love interest:
Her long, auburn hair shone in the sunlight. Adorable freckles sprinkled her face as a testimony to long summer days spent on the lake.
Can you think of other ways to improve your craft?
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He sank weakly to the ground,
and mournfully sadly cried,
just unexpected sudden-found
the Tesla’s battery had died.
“Oh, I hate you!” he then barked,
then thought a bit, and tried again.
“You dirty dog!” he then remarked
(flowed much better from the pen),
and now he stood amidst the bluebells
by the autumn Texas road,
one of Lady Bird’s hard sells
so that truckers hauling load
could speak of them upon CB
of biodiversity.
Thanks for the chuckle, Andrew!
Tamela, I am so glad you enjoyed it!
Delightfully crazy, Andrew!
All thought-provoking examples. As I read through them, I was considering how to watch for these “gotchas” in my own writing. Though not exclusively so, these examples apply most easily to fiction manuscripts.
Do you have a similar list of examples from a non-fiction perspective?
Damon, as you can see, Andrew offers excellent insights!
I wrote a response that ended up being so long that I decided to devote a blog post to it. Thanks for the idea!
In the meantime, I would say that the tips offered in this post apply well to personal anecdotes that are necessary for almost all nonfiction works.
Tamela, I couldn’t find a comment open at the bottom of your post, but wanted to thank you for these. Such excellent reminders of things to watch for as I’m editing my novel. Blessings!
Aw, why not?
Prowl your words unceasingly,
however hard you’re tryin’,
and then let your edits be
the swift pounce of a lion
that from adverbs tears the gut,
that focuses each conversation,
admitting no if, and, or but,
and allows not preservation
of authorly quirks and twists
(save ’em for self-pub memoir!),
but pushes to delete the risks
that might have been OK before,
but in this age of hashtag speed
become a slow and fatal bleed.
Great tips for us all, Andrew, and in poetry form, too!
Tamela, I’m just so honoured to be here.
There are times I don’t really want to survive the night…to get out of a chair now needs advance planning…but knowing that you, and the other folks at Laube, will be there with a new post… that’s a motivation beyond price.
I’m being torn down by cancer, but you guys are helping hands to put the bricks back in place, simply through doing your jobs.
There’s maybe a deeper message here, but I have not, now, the nous to see it.
Anyhow, please forgive my rambling, and God bless you all.
I’m humbled by your comment, Andrew. You are a valuable part of our community. I continue to pray for you!
I’m so sorry Andrew. You are an amazing example of perseverence in the face of difficulty. God be with you.
Thanks, Tamela. Really helpful examples!
Good suggestions. I like that the emotion of the situation can be described in just one word, ex. (threatened Alex)
“Offering a description through the logical characters” is helpful and something I never considered! I’ve been taught that writers should only use “said” and not barked (people don’t bark) or hissed or even shouted. I recently heard this again at the ACFW Conference. I want to use “shouted” with the occasional exclamation mark. Please advise.
Georgia, I didn’t attend the workshop so I don’t know which faculty member taught it. I can assure writers that ACFW hires top professionals in publishing and sometimes top professionals can offer tips that appear to be contradictory. So you have discovered that this is an area where different opinions abound. In fact, you might turn in a contracted manuscript to a publisher and their editor may ask for changes in tags.
There is a philosophy that the tags are markers to keep the reader on track with the speaker. This is especially important when three or more people are having a conversation. With that in mind, “said” plus the character’s name works to keep the reader on track but not distracted. I do agree that tags that take the reader out of the conversation are a hindrance.
Based on what you wrote, I think the teacher was doing authors a service to discourage tags that might even seem comical to a reader, such as “bark” because truly people don’t bark. And to my earlier point, the character’s words and the situation probably indicated a harsh tone.
To my ear and reader’s eye, “said” can seem anticlimactic when someone is getting ready to make fatal use of a weapon. However, “said” may be fine to another’s ear and eye.
The best advice I can offer is for you to read your story aloud to yourself before submitting, which is always a good idea anyway. Then you can see and hear how the tags sound. Hope this helps!
Hi. With reference to the third point: we were told in an online course that conversational tags should always remain simple i.e. he said or she said. So are you saying that there are actually better ways to indicate emotion (and your suggestions certainly do sound better) than he said or she said and you would prefer that in a manuscript? Its rather a relief really to hear that? Thanks
Carol, please see the comments I addressed to Georgia, above.
As to what I prefer, I prefer what works for the individual manuscript. That usually means a mix. I don’t need any author to feel she must come up with an alternative to “said” when there’s no need, and if a character shouts, I’m fine with the author saying so. Another alternative is to delete the tag. Simply use a sentence, such as, “Drake ran his finger over the dagger,” to indicate the speaker and threat to the observer.
Interesting, Tamela. Thank you. I’m in awe of everyone who writes fiction—and poetry, Andrew. It feels like writing non-fiction, but with at least 100 more things to think about. 🤯
Excellent Advice.
— Bill McBride “The ROOT of all EVIL”
Hi Tamela, I’m sorry if this is off topic but I’m looking for a place where Christian agents critique query letters. There are great critique sites for the secular world, but they tore my query letter apart, not the query itself, but the religious aspect of it, none of it constructive. Can you possibly point me in the right direction? Thank you so much.
Lisa
Lisa, thanks for asking! I’m catching up after the holiday so I’m a bit late in responding. I’m so sorry the critiquers didn’t focus on the right aspects of your letter. That suggests to me that there was nothing wrong with your letter except that they didn’t like the Christian worldview. That said, I don’t know of any place where agents critique a query letter. I suggest sending a letter introducing yourself and briefly discussing your project, then attaching a proposal. The reality is, an agent shouldn’t reject based on a query letter unless the project itself is wildly inappropriate. The fact you are asking means that your submissions aren’t inappropriate and that your letter is likely fine. I recommend submitting. All will be well.
Thank you so much Tamela. I will be submitting soon, hopefully.