We’re back and still talking about point of view because, let’s face it, it can be a hard thing to grasp. So, in review, last time we talked about:
- Get rid of “distance” words—words that can disconnect the reader from the story.
- Use strong, vivid verbs, not passive verbs like was and were.
- Ditch tags like “she thought,” “he pondered,” “she mused,” and so on
Now, let’s continue the list:
Incorporate the Senses
Think about it. We want to experience the story through the character’s senses—what they see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. This brings even more detail to their world and allows the reader to become fully immersed in the environment.
Example:
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- Distance: She smelled bacon and heard a dish being dropped into the sink.
- Deep POV: The blessed aroma of bacon woke her. She smiled. Then the crash of a dish in the sink sent her scrambling for her robe.
The deep POV example tosses the distance words (smelled and heard) and pulls you right into what the character is experiencing. Sometimes it takes more than one sentence to do that. And that’s perfectly fine.
Stay in the Present
Deep POV thrives on immediacy, so it’s essential to stay grounded in the present moment. Unless you’re writing fantasy, characters can’t time-travel. Please don’t jump ahead or back in time to give us information the character wouldn’t have any way of knowing. Keep the character—and your readers—in the now.
Example:
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- No: He would later come to understand she never intended to keep her word.
- Yes: “I promise. You can trust me.” Something in the way she said the words made him pause for a moment, then he shoved away the little voice that said he should do more research and shook her hand.
In deep POV, you want to avoid explaining what the character will realize later. (This slips into omniscient POV—and not necessarily in a good way.) Instead, let the character feel the doubt in the present moment, thereby allowing the reader to feel it too.
Internal Dialogue
In deep POV, internal dialogue doesn’t need to be marked with quotation marks or even italics most of the time. Internal dialogue should be integrated seamlessly into the narrative so the reader never pauses.
Example:
Your character is asked, “Who would want to kill the deceased?”
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- No: I have a few ideas, he thought.
- Deep POV: Which name do I offer up first?
The second example keeps the internal question in the character’s voice, but it blends naturally with the rest of the narrative.
Feel the Emotions
Deep POV relies heavily on conveying how a character feels; this takes careful word choice. Writers want to reflect the intensity of the moment, especially in action scenes or moments of tension, and we want our readers to feel it as deeply.
Example:
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- No: She was afraid of the man following her as she hurried into the alley looking for a place to hide.
- Yes, please!: His footsteps pounded closer. She button-hooked around the wall of the general store and found herself in an alley as dark as midnight. With her heart pounding in her throat, she inched toward the back, the darkest part, every shadow a potential threat.
Can you feel the fear? The emotion? Which example do you like better? Why? Take a look at your manuscript. Are you using your words wisely in deep POV?
I heard the dish drop in the sink,
and then came the smell of bacon,
but it was really more a stink
for roomie was again mistaken
and used the oil that had gone bad
which I had meant to throw away,
although it’s not as if we had
new Crisco (t’wasn’t yet payday!).
The odor grumbled through the flat
and the dogs hid ‘neath the chair,
and once again, I knew, the cat
would not be found anywhere
and the roaches even disappeared
to stay gone ’till the air had cleared.
Awesome teaching, Lynette! Thank you.
Your excellent examples helped a lot. Thank you!