First, let me point out how much I appreciate the respect shown by the commenters on my last blog post, “The Difference We Offer.” I appreciate the healthy dialogue and always look forward to reading comments on my posts.
If only everyone could be so open-minded and cordial! One of our family stories is about a relative turning up her nose at a sushi plate, declaring, “I don’t like sushi.”
“Have you ever tried it?”
“No.” Her chuckle sounded both sheepish and unpleasant. As far as we know, she still hasn’t tried sushi.
How do you know you don’t like anything you’ve never tried? Some may not like raw seafood, but much sushi is cooked. Other types are fashioned only from vegetables. Unless you have an allergy, eliminating an entire food category without tasting it doesn’t make sense.
The same can be said of bibliophiles who disparage or refuse to read specific categories of books. Declaring, “I hate all Western novels,” or “I despise all biographies,” without exploring any titles isn’t a good look. Besides, a reader can try ten novels but not gain respect and love for a genre until trying book #11. You may need only to find the plot/author/writing combination that appeals to you.
Because romance novelists are fantastic people, some readers feel they can poke fun, no matter how many copies are sold. Many mockers haven’t read the first book in the genre, yet they enjoy disparaging romance authors.
Holding a negative opinion about a book or a genre is okay. But if you feel you must share your opinion, be tender. When I was still writing books, I went to a conference that focused on nonfiction. The directors kindly allowed authors to display and sell their books. I was happy with my table of romance novels. Then, an old woman told me, “Those are fantasies.”
Since I was young, unprepared for such a harsh assessment, and stupid at the time, I replied, “No, they’re not! I have a wonderful husband. I stay home with my children.”
“It’s nice to have a cash cow.” She moved away before I had a chance to respond.
Cash cow? I’ve never thought of my husband as a cash cow and never will. Her remark said much more about her than it ever could about me. We can only pray for such bitter people
Soon after, I heard a similar opinion from a friend, expressed in an entirely different manner. “It’s hard for me to read romance novels because my marriage has been difficult and not romantic at all.” Her insight made me feel compassion for her and not upset by her opinion as a reader. What a difference!
As a reader, please remember:
1. Attacking authors is not the right way to vent your anger with life.
2. You will not like every book you read.
3. Publishing is challenging. Writers don’t need unsolicited negative opinions.
4. If an author asks your opinion and it’s negative, be truthful, but helpful and specific.
5. Point out at least one good aspect of the book; or say, “I’m grateful you write for the Lord.”
6. Never resort to personal insults.
7. Praise is always appreciated.
May you enjoy the book you are reading today!
Story Structure Part #7
Hi Tamela,
Words, no matter how they’re delivered hold powerful impact. That being said, there are people out there, who live on negativity, as if the sun never rose in their lives.
I think Christians are more sensitive to harsh words, too, because our hearts the Lord softens.
In a sense all novels, not matter the genre are fantasies, they’re not real, born of imagination with touches of reality dispersed through out. But, isn’t that a good thing, especially for Christian authors attempting to spread and uphold the Gospel in their craft?
The “cash cow” statement bothers me. This woman clearly doesn’t/didn’t understand the concept of home and the important work a stay-at-home mom does. Or, perhaps, due to circumstances she was forced to work and thus holds resentments for the lack of opportunity to remain home.
The labor of moms who choose to raise their families is soooooo devalued in our culture. And I think we see in our culture some of the consequences of children brought up in daycares or left to fend for themselves. And I’m not saying that this holds true in every case.
“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.” St. Francis of Assisi
All the best, Jeannie
Amen and amen, Jeannie
Amen and amen, Jeannie
I am like Mark Twain’s ol’ cat
who sat on a hot stove,
and I won’t read anything that
I’m not sure that I’ll love
because I walk a tightrope now,
and some things undercut the soul,
and vigilance is one way how
I make and keep me whole
through days that are just terrifying,
and nights that are far worse.
Yes, upon God I’m relying,
but still I must avoid the curse
of despair’s lethal infection
by, sometimes, wholesale rejection.
I understand this so well, Andrew! I have a few author friends whose work I am reluctant to read (or I gently refuse to read) after suffering some long-term, stress-related trauma. So, I select my reading material very carefully, so I don’t spend sleepless nights rehashing scenes that hit too close to home. Thank you for mentioning this aspect of our literary choices— careful (even prayerful!) reading choices are an outworking of the wisdom the Lord gives as He encourages us to guard our hearts. I’m so grateful for the many genres and choices available to us!
Karen, thank you so much!
Tamela,
Thank you for your words. They remind me of the line in the children’s song: “Oh, be careful little tongue what you say; for the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little tongue what you say.” Sometimes it’s easy to forget that whatever we do, we should do to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).
Tamela,
Thank you for your words. They remind me of the line in the children’s song: “Oh, be careful little tongue what you say; for the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little tongue what you say.” Sometimes it’s easy to forget that whatever we do, we should do to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).
Wise and kind advice, Tamela, thanks!
Yes, thank you, Tamela, for the good reminder.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a woman at church last Friday. Her comments were in reference to a well-known women’s ministry speaker/author. She said, “That woman’s husband wouldn’t have run around her if she had just been content staying at home and not trying to make a name for herself.” It flew all over me. I went into full defense mode of how unChristian it is to judge other believers and their work for the Lord. I also set her straight that this particular woman, by following her calling, is in no way responsible for her husband’s flagrant sin.
I am sad that someone attacked you by referring to your sweet hubby as a “cash cow.” That woman, like the one I encountered, has been blinded by bitterness. Their clouded vision limits them from extending kindness and grace. How tragic for a follower of Christ.
I appreciate this reminder to seek gentleness and humility. Lord, let my words be few and my thoughts pleasing to You.
Great advice, Tamela!
Years ago, I started choosing a book outside my preferred genre to read to stretch myself. I’ve been pleasantly surprised many times at how much I enjoyed books I never would have given a thought about.
Not every book or author is for everyone, that’s for sure. But I’ve had fun trying legal thrillers, sci-fi, classics, westerns, and even occasional Christian horror. I don’t want unnecessary violence, profanity, sex, or realistic violent situations, but overall, I’m happy I’ve discovered great stories and new authors!
There’s a tactful and non-degrading way to approach critiquing. As a victim of one such harsh and painful critique years back, I learned a valuable lesson. Be kind. Be gentle. Give direction, and be encouraging. No writer wants to be slammed over something they’ve written.
I have learned so much about reviewing and critiquing from my involvement with Word Weavers International. We use the cold sandwich method for critiquing pieces (start with something positive, move to the problem areas or concerns, end with a positive–and always keep the comments about the work, not the writer). We don’t coddle a writer who needs authentic critique. But this way, we keep perspective for both people involved–no throwing out the baby with the bathwater! Since I’ve experienced the method’s effectiveness as a giver and receiver, I now use it for all feedback I give whether it’s an Amazon review, a mentoring project, a non-WW’s critique, etc.
I used to disparage romance, not because of the writers or content, but because of society’s (often idolizing) reaction to it.
Now, the only area I have been published in is romance…
Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom and for your willingness to share. You have touched my heart. I am awed by all of you. I appreciate the honor you give me by spending time with me.
Well said. I don’t read Amish romance novels but I know many do for escapism. I am partial to literary approaches but not everyone is. There is room for every reader and I hope we can all appreciate this. Thanks, Tamela, for this gentle reminder.
Yikes! What an awful thing to say to a stranger. That woman clearly had problems of her own to work through.
Definitely a good perspective! There are several genres that don’t appeal to me at first glance, but there are always exceptions to the rule (I don’t usually read historical, but Tale of Two Cities was my favorite in high school, and a lot of my historical writer friends have got me hooked on their concepts). And even with horror, which I don’t think I’ll ever get into, a Christian friend of mine writes middle grade horror–and having heard his perspective, he’s convinced me there’s a place for it in the Christian book world when done right!
I’m an avid reader, and I’m always looking for something new to read. If I share comment online about a book I focus on things that are good about it. As christians we’re told to think on things that are good, lovely and of good report and it should apply to what we write about other authors online.