Terrible Christian Puns
None of these puns are original. I take no credit or blame. (I only laughed.) All were found floating around the Internet.
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Where is a square dance class mentioned in the Bible?
Jonah 4:11: “There are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left.”
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out. And, of course, even later, the Prodigal Son went home.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
“Crown Him with Many Crowns”
Extra credit: “Holy, Holy, Holy”
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
Why should you avoid jogging?
Proverbs 28:1 reads, “The wicked run when no one is chasing them.”
What is a weather reporter’s favorite hymn?
“There Shall Be Showers of Blessing”
What did God say after He created Adam?
“I can do better than that.” And so, He created woman.
—–This joke was placed here under protest.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
—–This joke was placed here under protest and revenge.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
What is an Internal Revenue Service (IRS) Agent’s hymn?
“I Surrender All”
Who was the first person to download something from a cloud to two tablets?
Moses.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
What is one of the things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out of the Garden?
They raised Cain.
What was the first computer?
It was an Apple. But with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. Then everything crashed.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
What’s an evangelist’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
What time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
Who was the fastest runner in the Bible?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
What man in the Bible had no parents?
Joshua, son of None.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
What animal did Noah find it difficult to trust?
The cheetah.
Why must it be up to the man
to make coffee ‘fore the morning news?
It’s all a part of God’s great plan,
because He chose Hebrews.
And what of bald Elisha,
mocked by forty brats and brothers?
Did he do what Jesus wants from ya
when He said to bear with others?
And Big J knew of big cats,
the fearsome bane of shepherds;
‘Love enemies!’, so maybe that’s
why he went on healing leopards?
And His folks’ flight from Herod’s reign…
did Pontius Pilate fly the plane?
Thank you. I needed that this morning. 😎
Shortest man in the Bible? Bildad the Shoe height
oh yeah.
Lead me not into temptation…. Well, I guess just one can’t hurt.
What’s another name for the first couple?
Atom and electron volt
Oh my goodness! I’ve been in the midst of no power, sitting here in the darkness with no heat,
Unable to bathe, or cook anything hot for a week!
To wake up and be cool again and fry some eggs and bacon then read this tweet!
I’ll be laughing and sharing this information all week!
Thank you Steve! You were put here “for such a time as this” you’re so sweet!
Thank you so much, Steve Laube. I needed a good laugh today.
Here is another one:
Who was the shortest man in the Bible? Knee-high-Miah.
This good!!!! Thank you!
The Bible covers everything!
GROAN!
Steve,
I love these!
Here are a few more to add to your collection:
Who was the shortest man in the Bible?
Bildad the Shuhite (Job)
(I thought there was a guy named Nehi, but I couldn’t find him this morning.)
Riddle:
Nebuchadnezzar, King of the Jews,
Spell that with four letters,
I’ll give you my shoes:
Answer: T-H-A-T
Riddle:
What is God’s name?
Andy (Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me I am His own…)
Love these! The jogging one is a great excuse. 😂