Kyle Idelman’s AHA: The God Moment That Changes Everything (David C. Cook, 2014) is my inspiration today.
If ever I write a book, it will be DUH: The Things That Never Change (Big Publisher, 20??)
Today, I will reveal those things that are absolute truth that everyone should know. If you don’t, I have no advice for you.
DUH would not be a self-help book because it doesn’t suggest a solution to any particular problem. Instead, it is a checklist of things that bind us together as humans on this planet. DUH might be the start of a movement that will eventually lead to world peace in our time.
Focusing on what unites us has a healing effect.
Honestly, I don’t expect many comments to the post today. Maybe a couple “YUP” or “AHH” might be posted, but certainly no disagreements to things so clear and simple as first-grade math.
So here they are…the things in life we can’t ever argue: (In no particular order since they are all absolutes)
1. Everything will cost twice what you think – Car or home repair, legal fees, kitchen cabinets, cable TV, cell phones or anything paid for with tax dollars.
2. Pope Francis is Catholic.
3. Hebrew National Hot Dogs are Kosher – Ignore the people who say they are not.
4. Eating 62 hot dogs in one sitting is not healthy. Click here. (http://www.nathansfamous.com/contest/mainevent)
5. You don’t get top dollar for your stuff in a pawnshop – for Pete’s sake, pawnshops are for desperate people trying to get some quick cash. Trying to sell your Picasso? Anywhere but a pawnshop. Anywhere.
6. Pizzaz beats quality more than it should – nothing like cool to sell something. If anything becomes “it”, consumers lose their logical minds and focus on pizzaz.
7. Pizza is a horizontal food – years ago I picked up a pizza at a favorite spot and leaving right before me was a grandfather (I assume) with three grandkids in tow. The kids were a bit unruly and in an act of desperation to corral them and get his car keys, grandpa proceeded to tuck the pizza vertically under his arm like a briefcase. Gosh, he was going to be in trouble when he got home.
8. For humans, past performance is no guarantee of future performance.
9. For God, past performance is a guarantee of future performance.
10. There is an optimum size of a church – extremely large churches must be doing something wrong to draw people to them in such large numbers. Very small churches must be doing something wrong to not attract more people. There must be something in the middle that is perfect.
11. Jesus is a troublemaker – WWJD? Make people uncomfortable.
12. Traditional publishing is slower than indie publishing.
13. Some books are simply more interesting than others.
14. Winning an award for writing quality does not guarantee future sales.
15. Most people would rather be liked.
16. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
17. All things considered, we would rather not consider all things.
18. There are far more authors desiring to write books than there are opportunities at publishers to publish them.
19. Free copies don’t count in your “sales” figures.
20. Any sharp object and a sheet of bubble wrap = five minutes of pure fun.
So there you have it. The things that unite us.
Now that we are all on the same page, we can move on with life, hold hands and sing Kum Ba Ya around the campfire. Summer is over. Deal with it.
Dan, great list. So far as #9 goes, Dr. Jim Allman says it this way: What God has done in the past is both a model and a promise of what He will do in the future… But He’s too creative to do the same thing the same way twice.
Thanks for sharing.
Love this, Richard! Beautifully said.
Oh no no! Sharp objects with bubble wrap is sacrilege!!! That’s piercing, not popping. One must ALWAYS pop–between thumb and forefinger. In cases of large sheets with large bubbles it can be considered acceptable to use bare feet, however …. But NO sharp objects :o).
Too funny, Connie. 🙂 I was going to comment on this one too. I have boys and they love popping bubble wrap. And, if I gave them something sharp to do it with, they’d probably be thrilled. But, because they’re boys, I restrict them to fingers and feet. 😉
I take sides with the boys.
Lol…I love, love, love number 7…your right…he’s in trouble! And #11 is a truth that should truly sink into our souls….Jesus didnot come to let us stay in our comfortable little bubble….he came to get us all riled up! Works for me!! You should write the book….it might get people thinking….
Inspired list Dan, but summer is only just starting…for those of us in the Southern hemisphere, that is. Duh!
#21 – www stands for World Wide Web!
So true. “There is nothing new under the sun ” Ecclesiastes 1:9
Great list, Dan. And #15? Yep. Unfortunately I worked too hard to be liked for too many years. I’ve finally learned that not everyone will like me, but this doesn’t diminish the value I have as a person and in God’s eyes.
I’ve always said that if I ever write a memoir of my spiritual trip – it should be called : When God says: “Duh” Adventures in missing the point.
This is a fine and right list. You just offered the world a chance to get a clue. Well done.
I do take issue with #20. A sharp instrument taken to bubble wrap is sacrilege. Only truly enjoyed popped between fingers and under toes.
A sharp instrument is faster.
We must have a similar sense of humor. Your posts always crack me up.
You poor dear.
🙂
Please please can I add one, Dan?
(Serious voice and face inserted here)
Common sense isn’t!
Same could be said for “conventional wisdom”
I will buy your book.
#11 and #17…Can I buy your book now please? I need a copy for myself, and several others to give to certain people I know.
I love “all things considered…” and as for Jesus being a trouble-maker, yes. He fellowshipped, He forgave – but He never placated.
Too funny–and so true. I especially love this line:
“DUH might be the start of a movement that will eventually lead to world peace in our time. ”
You may be on to something!
Loved these, Dan.
And I brought the marshmallows to roast at the campfire (after we finish singing, of course). 😉
When all is said and done, more is usually said than done.
I love it. Duh – For Dummies! Nice post.
Great list, Dan. I’d like to add to it even though I’m a day late due to cellular isolation in the Chiricahuas of AZ.
#21: The final 10% of any project consumes 30% of the time.
That sound advice from a wonderful mentor at the beginning of my career has proven accurate for almost every project I’ve ever undertaken, research or otherwise. I’d add to it that the last 5% is the part that seems like it’s never going to be complete. Which brings up one more.
#22: There is a tension between rapid completion and perfection, and the wise person knows which is the more important goal for each project.
bonus point:
The adage “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” doesn’t ever apply, because if it isn’t broken, then it will be broken soon enough, and you will have to fix it regardless.
Dan,
It strikes me that #8 might be quite hopeful for newbies seeking an agent: already-published authors would bring no more to the table than writers ready to spring their great, heretofore unrecognized talent on an unsuspecting literary world. Duh!
😀