Humor

The Writing Life Compared

As Soon as Your Book Is Published (Unpublished Author Edition)

  • Your hair will become fuller, lusher, and shinier.
  • You will only write a thousand words a day to make a million dollars a year.
  • You’ll be a bestselling author, and every book will float to the top of the charts.
  • You will be the most popular author at writers conferences.
  • Aspiring authors will fawn over you, keen for your wisdom.
  • You can spend most of your time traveling for leisure and to conferences.
  • Your patina of literary accomplishment will impress friends, family, and strangers.
  • Your editor will never touch your work because of your brilliance.

As Soon as Your Book Is Published (Published Author Edition)

  • Your hair may be a mess since you have no time to visit the salon.
  • You have to write like a fiend every day to make bank.
  • You find that bestseller lists are mercurial.
  • Conferences engage lots of fashionable authors.
  • Teaching fawning writers is work.
  • You have to schedule business and leisure travel around deadlines.
  • Patina doesn’t pay the electric bill.
  • Your editor may exercise his latitude to request comprehensive rewrites.
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Words I Can Spell but Mispronounce

A couple years ago I was enjoying a small family reunion with my two older brothers. We were playing a card game, and for some reason I used the word chimera in the conversation. Unfortunately, I failed to take into consideration three things: I had (to my recollection) never heard …

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April Fool’s Jokes for Writers

It may be too late by the time you read this post, but April Fool’s Day is a good time to mention some ideas for writers who like to prank others. In my early days of writing full-time, my son knew far more about computers than I did. (That hasn’t …

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Comedy As a Tool

We all like to laugh. Writers with a knack for humor can find a large and eager audience. But humor can be tricky. If you want to write humor, The Christian Writers Institute has a couple of inexpensive lectures to review (find them here). In the meantime, writers need to …

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The Author’s Life in 39 Easy Steps

Someday I ought to write a book. Woohoo! I’ve just started writing a book! I deserve some ice cream. I’m so excited, things are going great. Writing is hard. No, writing is cool. I’m having the time of my life. Writing is hard. I should just give up. I’m almost …

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New Author Acronyms for The Oxford English Dictionary

Last week the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) added a bunch of new words to their august tome. What made news is that four of the words aren’t words at all but acronyms that have crept into our everyday communication via the Internet. “Words” like LOL, OMG, BFF, and IMHO.

In honor of this auspicious occasion I thought it would be fun to see if we can find other acronyms that should become part of our language, if for no other reason, because of their frequent use.

IHMM (I Hate My Manuscript) – A common cry of every writer while in the midst of the creative process. Self-doubt and lack of confidence create this acronym.

INMT (I Need More Time) – Deadlines should be carved in stone, but are often sketched in pencil. Ask any editor what frustrates them the most and missed deadlines will be in their top five.

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Fun Fridays – May 18, 2018

In honor of our youngest daughter’s birthday this weekend… She and I have laughed at this audio many times. To the point of being able to quote it. I was excited to find it available on YouTube (our version is a CD). Listen and then you’ll understand this story: Years …

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Exciting Developments In Book Publishing

As changes in the marketplace require publishers, authors, and agents adapt continually, a number of entirely new initiatives and companies are springing into action to serve various parts of an ever-evolving industry. Here are some of the most interesting new things to keep on your radar: Elf-Publishing – as books …

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