Composed with tongue firmly in cheek. Send to yours and maketh your agent weepeth.
10 Haughty Author Commandments That Agents Must Obey
I. Thou shalt have no other authors before me.
II. Thou shalt adore all my ideas and declare them holy.
III. Thou shalt personally guarantee my financial success.
IV. Thou shalt send me to Bora Bora on my birthday and send a wad o’ cash at Christmas.
V. Thou shalt answer my phone calls on the first ring.
VI. Thou shalt take your vacation at a time I deem convenient.
VII. Thou shalt take me out for expensive meals and gleefully pay for everything.
VIII. Thou shalt loan me money without complaint and never use the word “debt.”
IX. Thou shalt praise my literary prowess at every opportunity.
X. Thou shalt read every word I write the same day, nae the same hour, I send it to you.
Flaunt the accomplishment of these commandments at your peril.
If you want to read the “other” side, please find “Ten Commandments for Working with Your Agent.”