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The Steve Laube Agency

Helping to Change the World…Word by Word

The Steve Laube Agency

The Steve Laube Agency

Helping to Change the World Word by Word

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Home » Humor

Humor

A Writer’s Entrance Exam

By Bob Hostetleron March 17, 2022
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Say you wanted to enroll in studies at a respected educational institution—let’s call it Wisenheimer Academy for Clever Kids. You might expect to take an entrance exam to determine your degree of fitness for WACK, right? Just as you would to begin training for ministry, law enforcement, or interplanetary space travel.

Oddly, though, there is no entrance exam for writers. Until now.

That’s right. Thanks to this website, you can, with a modest investment of time and effort, determine your fitness to pursue the writing life. The following questions may reinforce your confidence in writing for publication–or save you much time and trouble by steering you away and into an easier, more rewarding line of work, such as lumberjack or Alaskan crab fisherperson.

Simply answer yes or no to the following questions, and calculate the results when you’re done:

  1. Do you love words? Sentences? Paragraphs?
  2. Do you have a favorite punctuation mark?
  3. Do you drink too much coffee? Or tea? Or wine?
  4. Are you constantly feeling assaulted by spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors in magazines, newspapers, billboards, cereal boxes, and protest signs?
  5. Do you talk back to the television or movie screen to complain about poor characterization, unrealistic dialogue, and plot holes?
  6. Do you sometimes imagine story lines for strangers you see in stores, on the street, or on planes?
  7. Do you sometimes think, in the midst of a great or terrible experience, “I can use this?”
  8. Do you feel a rush when you enter a bookstore or office supply store?
  9. Do you critique birthday, Christmas, and anniversary cards you receive, thinking, I could’ve written a better greeting than that?
  10. Do you lose track of time when you’re on a writing tear?
  11. Does your Amazon delivery driver know your name?
  12. Does a word or idea often keep you awake—or wake you—at night?
  13. Have you cried because of something a character in your story did?
  14. Have you ever used toilet paper or a cash-register receipt as a bookmark?
  15. When you’re writing, do you alternate between “This is the best thing anyone’s ever written” and “This is the worst thing anyone’s ever written?”
  16. Have you ever named a pet after a character in literature?
  17. Have you ever named a child after a character in literature?
  18. Do family members refuse to play with you in Scrabble?
  19. Do you resent your parents for giving you a happy childhood?
  20. Have you ever used laundry, dirty dishes, or alphabetizing your canned goods as a distraction from writing?

Now, total your “yes” answers. How did you do?

5 or less = What kind of monster are you?

6-10 = You’re a writer.

11-15 = You should be in therapy.

16-20 = Forget therapy; it’s too late for you.

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Category: Humor, The Writing Life

Happy Valentine’s Day

By Steve Laubeon February 14, 2022
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Today is a fun day to celebrate that special someone in your life. My wife and I have been married for over 40 years now, and the video below is a tribute to her. No, she knows I do not and cannot dance; but videos like this make me feel like I can. Happy Valentine’s Day! Go-make someone-you-love-smile day.

Read moreHappy Valentine’s Day
Category: Humor

21 Latin Phrases Every Writer Should Know

By Steve Laubeon February 11, 2022
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15 Latin Phrases Every Writer Should Know

Persona Non Grata
“An unwelcome person” (lately defined by some as a literary agent)
Habeas Corpus
“You have the body”  (The legal right to appear before a judge.)
Cogito Ergo Sum
“I think, therefore I am.” For a writer it would be "Sribo ergo sum"
E Pluribus Unum
“Out of many, one”
Quid Pro Quo
"This for that" or in other words, “You …

Read more21 Latin Phrases Every Writer Should Know
Category: Fun Fridays, HumorTag: Humor, Latin, Trivia

Labor Day Holiday

By Steve Laubeon September 6, 2021
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Today the U.S. celebrates Labor Day as a national holiday. Lollygag is the perfect verb for the day. So … Since you should be lollygagging about, enjoy this insightful video:

Read moreLabor Day Holiday
Category: HumorTag: Humor, Labor Day

Singing the Slushpile Blues

By Steve Laubeon August 30, 2021
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by Steve Laube

The unsolicited pile of proposals in my office (aka "the slushpile) taunts me every day.

"Come over here!" it says, tantalizing me with immanent possibilities. I say to myself, "Maybe it will be the next one I look at. That will be 'The One.'"

I've been told that many of you enjoy hearing some of the offbeat letters or intriguing proposals I see. Here is a sampling from …

Read moreSinging the Slushpile Blues
Category: Book Proposals, Creativity, HumorTag: Humor, slushpile

O I C, U C?

By Bob Hostetleron May 20, 2021
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I’ve been a fan of James Taylor (he of “Fire and Rain” and “Carolina on My Mind” fame) since I first heard “Don’t Let Me Be Lonely Tonight” on the radio at a particularly lonely time in my life. That’s a story for another time; we won’t get into it right now. But from that day I bought or stole every album he ever released. On his 1979 release, Flag, he included a song titled “B.S.U.R. …

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Category: Humor, Inspiration

President’s Day – 2021

By Steve Laubeon February 15, 2021
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Today is President’s Day in the U.S. Originally established in 1885 as a recognition of George Washington’s birthday (February 22), it was later expanded to include Abraham Lincoln (February 12) and all other U.S. presidents. Over the centuries, there have been some amusing statements by various U.S. presidents. In honor of today’s holiday, I thought I’d compile a few from the Internet for your …

Read morePresident’s Day – 2021
Category: Humor

The Writing Life Compared

By Tamela Hancock Murrayon January 7, 2021
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As Soon as Your Book Is Published (Unpublished Author Edition) Your hair will become fuller, lusher, and shinier. You will only write a thousand words a day to make a million dollars a year. You’ll be a bestselling author, and every book will float to the top of the charts. You will be the most popular author at writers conferences. Aspiring authors will fawn over you, keen for your wisdom. You …

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Category: Humor, The Writing Life

Words I Can Spell but Mispronounce

By Bob Hostetleron December 16, 2020
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A couple years ago I was enjoying a small family reunion with my two older brothers. We were playing a card game, and for some reason I used the word chimera in the conversation. Unfortunately, I failed to take into consideration three things: I had (to my recollection) never heard the word spoken but had only read it. My brothers are both smarter than me. My brothers would never hesitate to …

Read moreWords I Can Spell but Mispronounce
Category: Humor, Reading

10 Haughty Author Commandments That Agents Must Obey

By Steve Laubeon June 22, 2020
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Composed with tongue firmly in cheek. Send to yours and maketh your agent weepeth. 10 Haughty Author Commandments That Agents Must Obey I. Thou shalt have no other authors before me. II. Thou shalt adore all my ideas and declare them holy. III. Thou shalt personally guarantee my financial success. IV. Thou shalt send me to Bora Bora on my birthday and send a wad o’ cash at Christmas. V. Thou …

Read more10 Haughty Author Commandments That Agents Must Obey
Category: Agents, Humor
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