Tag s | Humor

The Author’s Life in 39 Easy Steps

  1. Someday I ought to write a book.
  1. Woohoo! I’ve just started writing a book! I deserve some ice cream.
  1. I’m so excited, things are going great.
  1. Writing is hard.
  1. No, writing is cool. I’m having the time of my life.
  1. Writing is hard. I should just give up.
  1. I’m almost done with my first book. Writing is so fun. I have written 4,000 words! I deserve some ice cream.
  1. I just found out books are usually a lot longer than 4,000 words. I have no idea what I’m doing. I should just give up.
  1. I have lost all sense of direction and perspective. I have no idea if this is any good or not.
  1. I showed my writing to someone and she loved it! I’m going to be famous. I deserve some ice cream.
  1. I showed my writing to someone else and he pointed out a few problems. I’m horrible and I hate writing.
  1. I finished my whole manuscript! I’m an author! I deserve some ice cream.
  1. Someone said I should probably go through my manuscript looking for mistakes, but that’s crazy, I didn’t make any mistakes.
  1. I’ve started going through my manuscript and I made a million mistakes! I have no idea what I’m doing. I should just give up.
  1. Okay, maybe it’s not as bad as I thought.
  1. Okay, I think it’s so much worse than I thought. Writing is hard.
  1. The second draft is finished. I’m finally done. I deserve some ice cream.
  1. I think it’s ready to submit to agents and editors, so I’m taking it to a writer’s conference to shop it around.
  1. I just got back from the writer’s conference. I have no idea what I’m doing. I should just give up.
  1. Maybe I can survive just one more draft.
  1. Repeat #3-18.
  1. Someone is finally interested in my book! I’m going to be rich and famous! I deserve some ice cream.
  1. No they’re not. I should just give up.
  1. Repeat #22-23. As necessary. Ad infinitum, even.
  1. Someone is interested in my book, but they want changes. Lots of them. I clearly have no idea what I’m doing. I should just give up.
  1. The rewrite is finished. I’m finally done. I deserve some ice cream.
  1. Woohoo! I’ve been offered a contract! I’m an author! I’m going to be rich and famous! I deserve some ice cream.
  1. Another rewrite? You must be kidding. I clearly have no idea what I’m doing. I should just give up.
  1. I finally finished the rewrite. I’m finally done. I’m exhausted and I have lost all sense of direction and perspective. I have no idea if this is any good or not.
  1. I’m so relieved to be finished with this book. I deserve some ice cream.
  1. Edits? I thought this thing was finished. Now I have to review all these edits? And comments? This will take forever. I have no idea what I’m doing. I should just give up.
  1. Okay, that’s it. Finished. Kaput. What a relief. I deserve some ice cream.
  1. Oh for crying out loud. I just got these things called galleys and I’m supposed to respond WHEN? Who has time for all this?
  1. Finally done. Finished. Kaput. What a relief. I can finally relax and enjoy a little ice cream.
  1. This is so exciting. I can’t wait to hold this book in my hands.
  1. Influencers? Endorsements? Marketing? What’s that? I have no idea what I’m doing.
  1. Reviews? Pre-orders? Blog tours? Sales rankings? Book launch? What’s all that? I have no idea what I’m doing.
  1. My books are here! My books are here! My books are here! I deserve some ice cream.
  1. How is there a typo in this cotton-picking thing?
Leave a Comment

New Author Acronyms for The Oxford English Dictionary

Last week the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) added a bunch of new words to their august tome. What made news is that four of the words aren’t words at all but acronyms that have crept into our everyday communication via the Internet. “Words” like LOL, OMG, BFF, and IMHO.

In honor of this auspicious occasion I thought it would be fun to see if we can find other acronyms that should become part of our language, if for no other reason, because of their frequent use.

IHMM (I Hate My Manuscript) – A common cry of every writer while in the midst of the creative process. Self-doubt and lack of confidence create this acronym.

INMT (I Need More Time) – Deadlines should be carved in stone, but are often sketched in pencil. Ask any editor what frustrates them the most and missed deadlines will be in their top five.

Read More

Exciting Developments In Book Publishing

As changes in the marketplace require publishers, authors, and agents adapt continually, a number of entirely new initiatives and companies are springing into action to serve various parts of an ever-evolving industry. Here are some of the most interesting new things to keep on your radar: Elf-Publishing – as books …

Read More

The Twelve Statements Before Christmas

I pondered whether I should write this post in verse to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas, but since there would be a lot of copy/paste activity involved, I didn’t feel like readers would get their money’s worth. Instead, I’ll do this in simple list form, focusing on …

Read More

Perfect Christian Book Titles

Once in a while, an author and/or publisher come up with the perfect title for a Christian book. Not just something which explains the contents, but the perfect title. No wasted words. It just leaves you speechless. The best title ever (in my humble opinion) was Joel Osteen’s bestseller, Your …

Read More

The Unintentionally Funny Headline

I came across the following headline in a recent publisher-related newsletter: “Speculative Authors Fight Mental Illness” I thought to myself “I know what they meant by the headline, but could it also be interpreted that authors who write speculative fiction are mentally ill?” There are some who call science fiction and fantasy writers …

Read More