Since many publishers ask that authors have a robust online presence, I’m revisiting a topic that, sadly, hasn’t gone away since I wrote about it a few years ago. This article is worth everyone’s time if I can save even one person from being scammed.
Recently, I received a private message on Facebook from a man I didn’t know, saying that he liked my profile and would like to get to know me. I blocked him immediately. Here’s why:
The generic message. My guess is that this introductory salvo was composed by a scammer who speaks English well, so it sounded authentic. But couldn’t all of us send that message to anyone and everyone on Facebook? We all like people’s profiles and would like to know them better.
I don’t think the person looked at the cover photo of my husband and me or read my profile: Married to my knight in shining armor! Mother of two lovely daughters. Agent at Steve Laube Agency. I think the scammer trolled for women and pasted the same introduction in an untold number of private messages.
The person had no reason to be in touch with me. I think the messenger is a teenager in a boiler room overseas.
So What?
I understand if you’re saying, “This is a great big So What!” For me, yes, because I didn’t respond. But I’ve watched enough Dr. Phil catfishing shows to know that these criminals show no mercy. They aren’t content to say, “Well, I got $20,000. That’s good enough.” They have no qualms about asking victims to wipe out all their life savings and even sell their homes to rob them of all their money, equity, and assets.
We must be cautious not only for ourselves but also for those we love.
My parents passed away recently, and neither owned a computer. We tried to buy one for them; but my mother said, “The Internet ruins marriages.” She’d heard stories early on, and I can’t say they were untrue.
However, unlike today’s population, my parents never needed a computer for work, so they were never motivated to master computer use. And to them, a phone was a phone. They had no Internet access in their home. I know many people in their eighties and beyond who use computers. But as a general rule, I believe my parents were members of the last generation less likely to consider computers and smartphones part of their daily lives.
Everyone is online. If you care about someone susceptible to loneliness, make a special note regarding their contacts and relationships. Keeping tabs can be tricky for a lot of reasons since everyone wants autonomy. However, no one wants themselves or a loved one to be victimized.
As with any part of life, go forward and enjoy. Just be wise.
Be careful of the charming rake
with the thin moustache,
for what he wants to do is take
all your hard-earned cash.
Be cautious with the lissom gal
with the winning smile,
for it’s unwise to be a pal
to a crocodile.
Be wary of this pastor:
“As you give, you’ll get!”
What he’s really after
is a new private jet.
The Internet’s a bonza place
to end up skint, egg on your face.
You made me smile, Andrew! 🙂
Tamela, that’s what I am here to do!
I think you’re right about many women receiving that creepy Friend request. I have, more than once. I’ve been told by experts that the “robust” online presence I need for a minimum platform is >5K Followers. How does one get 5K Friends/Followers without including strangers who really are strange?
This is a good question and applies to me, too. I enjoy Instagram, and have a private account. When I get requests from a follower I don’t know, I delete it. I figure if it’s someone who has seen my stuff through another person’s’ account, they will explain the mutual connection. Otherwise, I’m content having the followers I have. It would be great if there was a creepy filter.
You’re right, Linda, in that to have a robust presence, we have to accept some requests from strangers. Aside from the suggestions I made in the post, I would say also, to look to see how many mutual friends you have. If you have many friends in common, that’s a sign that it should be okay to accept. If you don’t have but a few mutual friends and even those are all strangers to you except on that platform, I’d consider not accepting the request. Another thing to consider is, does the requester’s profile match with your mutual friends? For instance, a writer should be mutual friends with other writers. Hope these thoughts help.
Good question, Linda, and one I’ve wondered about too. Thanks, Tamela, for addressing this issue. I am another who has received these creepy friend requests. Yeck!
Hi Tamela! Two weeks ago, I received a comment on a post that was almost two years old. Not I friend request, but similar wording as your message: “I like your profile, your sense of humor, and would like to get to know you.” Just as you did, I blocked the caller.
Such a good reminder. Also, any message that just says, “Hi” or “Hey gorgeous” is highly suspect, ha!
Kristen, you inspired me. Never a pretty sight.
I get Hey Gorgeous every day,
my message box is packed,
and I guess it’s people’s way
to look to what they’ve lacked
as they’re grinding through their days
of pettiness and clamour;
they’re just reaching for the ways
to grab a touch of glamour,
and I am happy to reply;
I have friends now by the score,
but for each new girl and guy
I will offer nothing more
than a download photograph
with machine-writ autograph.
Many thanks for this!
Blessing.s.
There are some wonderful Christian Fiction reader groups on Facebook; Avid Readers of Christian Fiction is one with more than 18K members. If it’s a woman who’s active there, writer or reader, and friends with others in that group, I usually accept the friend request to my profile, which I only use for communications I don’t mind strangers seeing. (All private conversations take place through email or FB Messenger, and I don’t let anyone but me post to my profile.) I do accept a few men who are writers or active commenters at the reader groups, including the young Brit who posted that he decided to follow Christ after reading my books. (No literary award could EVER compare to that!)
I simply ignore all the messages from the retired generals and oil-field engineers that find me interesting. (Yeah, sure they do.)
What I do get is a steady stream of emails through the comment function at my websites. Those redirect to my private email, and they mostly divert into spam, but I have to check there every few days because mixed in with the garbage are comments from real fans, and I want to respond to those.
I don’t know an easy way to skim the scum and still get the lovely comments from my fans. So I scan the spam input and delete the undesirables manually.
Through my Roman history site, I get a lot of spam written in Cyrillic. I studied Russian in the 80s, but I usually don’t bother reading them. I’m not in the market for a gorgeous Russian girlfriend.
You hit the nail on the head, Tamela. I cannot tell you how often I get those annoying posts on social media. Delete, delete, delete. I see them, and I delete them. Spam is everywhere. My parents were old school—only a phone with no notable additions. No internet. My dad despised computers and how everyone kept their noses glued to their cell phones like no one else was in the room. Our modern mini-computer cell phones are nice, but they will remove us from interaction with one another if we don’t stay focused. And, we especially need to watch out for the spammers.
Loved the post, Tamela. When I first started with online social and professional media I got struck by two romance scammers both from a professional site. Gullible me I thought these guys really just wanted an online friendship.
It didn’t take long before they developed a host of problems they needed money to get out of. I praise God I didn’t fall for their lies. But, I can see how many do, they’re slicker than grease.
Not a day goes by I don’t get at least one if not two attempts to “friend me” on FB. I block them every time.
I don’t know what the answer is. I’ve reported these to FB time and again. Doesn’t seem to help. The scammers take down one fake profile and put up another.
I guess we just have to be smarter. 🙂