A few months ago, the leaders of the West Coast Christian Writers Conference had the poor judgment to allow me to teach and meet with conferees. In one of the preconference sessions, I invited attendees to lament the struggles and wounds of the writing-for-publication process, following the form the psalmists often employed. Several were willing to share their efforts and one—Judy Parker—even gave me permission to feature her lament on this blog. Its honesty and vulnerability may strike a chord for you, wherever you are in the often-bruising journey of writing for publication. Here’s her guest post:
Father,
I am beaten and bruised by the assaults I have encountered on this writing journey. I believe you gave me the desire to write, not for myself but for others. I want to write because I believe it’s the calling you have given me. It is my purpose. But it has taken its toll on me, and I am weary. My energy is spent, and my mind is numb.
I can’t do what you’ve asked. It’s so hard, and I doubt I have what it takes. I’m not sure if I have the stamina or the desire to finish the task. If You have truly called me to this, why is every single step so hard? Why is affirmation and confirmation so hard to come by? Why do the voices in my head attack me with endless questions and accusations? Who am I to think I could write, not just a book, but anything? Why would anyone want to read what I have to say? Do I have anything to say?
My earthly goal is to publish a book, to get my words into the world, to help and encourage others. However, the endmost goal is to fulfill the job you’ve given me and to do it with excellence. I want to hear you say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
I will trust you. I will trust you to give me everything I need to accomplish the task. I will trust you to guide me. I will trust you to remind me when nothing is going right according to my plans, it is going precisely according to yours. I will trust you to silence the voices in my head telling me I can’t.
I praise you because you love me despite what I do or don’t do. Your love for me is not dependent on my performance. Please sink that truth deep into my soul.
I praise you and thank you for being sovereign over all things, not just some things. I praise you for always working even when I can’t see a shred of evidence. I thank you for your sacrifice for me, and I choose to sacrifice for you, even when it is hard, even when it requires my all, even when I feel I have nothing left to give. I will keep fighting and forging ahead, knowing you are with me every step of the way.
I love you.
Judy Parker is a devotional writer from Alaska who loves to help others see God in nature. Her website is Judyanneparker.com.
The Difference We Offer
Amen!
I had similar laments about the process of adopting and raising school-age children. In the midst of my lamenting, I heard a snippet of a sermon on the radio. I don’t know who was speaking, but these words spoke to my laments: God doesn’t call us to succeed, he calls us to obey.
Amen.
Twenty-one days into the fast; I heard the voices, saw the action, and felt the emotion of each scene. I was watching the book unfold like an animated movie in full color! Then I heard The LORD say, I love you and this is a gift, but you must write it down. It went so fast that I had to switch to outline and flesh it out later.
Talented writers can produce articles, columns, or jingles on demand, gifted writers like Daniel in Babylon, who through desire, separate themselves to seek and intermeddle with all wisdom, (Pr. 18:1 KJV,) will stare at a blank sheet of paper until the gift arrives. Whether writing, singing, preaching, or witnessing, you are allowed to be as close to Jesus as you desire. There were the thousands, and the seventy, and the twelve, and the three, then there was John, who never left His side. What do you want? (Jer. 29:11-13 KJV) Yes, fasting is difficult but so worth it! With love for you all.
That was beautiful.
Nothing now comes hard for me,
there simply is no room,
for I’ve had the chance to see
the dark side of the Moon,
the place where good dreams go to die,
and good hard men, too,
the place to make one wonder why
God doesn’t say, ‘I’m through!’.
But still, for us, He perseveres,
a promise born in blood
and washed in bitter salty tears
that flow down as a flood
from the kind and holy eyes
that we, steeped in sin, despise.
I hear you Andrew.
Thanks, Carla.
And here is where the real writing begins.
When you come to the end of yourself God steps in. Beautifully written!
Many thanks to Judy for blessings us with your words. Many thanks to Bob for publishing them.
MaryAnn Diorio
Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Judy. This has been my struggle for the past few months, what to do next? how do I get it all done? there’s not enough time! Please pray for me, I have all the time I need to do His will, I just to be reminded over and over again I’m doing His work, not mine.
Thank you, Ginny. Praying God will fill you with peace and give you clear direction. Romans 15:13 (NIV) May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
How I appreciate Judy’s words of lament! I plan to print them out and post them near my desk as a reminder of why I write in the first place. Thank you, Judy and Bob!
You are welcome, Julie. I had hoped to bless others with my words, but I am receiving blessings too. Thank you. 🙂
How I appreciate Judy’s words of lament! I plan to print them out and post them near my desk as a reminder of why I write in the first place. Thank you, Judy and Bob!
In some ways it’s “The Road Less Traveled”—but with the promise “I am with you”/“I will be with you”. That’s how our yoke becomes easy and our burden becomes light. Even when we’re stuck it’s likely instead a God-ordained pause.
A moving and beautiful piece of writing from Judy Parker. I always wanted to be a writer, and I wrote a lot: fiction, essays, diatribes and rants. But in my 30s I gave up on publishing a book. When God found me and brought me to Him 25 year later, I began writing again. My first book was published (with the help of this blessed agency) at the age of 72, My second was just released this week, four years later. I am about finished with the first draft of contracted book #3.
It is never too late for our Lord to come to our aid. Exhaustion is normal, Frustration and despair are to be expected. Every day I am inspired anew by our beloved colleague Andrew. If he can write the way he does, what challenges can there be for us that we cannot overcome with prayer? And yes, the victory is worth the fight. Don’t stop. Don’t give up. The Lord is with you as He is with Judy and Andrew, and yes, even with me.
Wow. So well said. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for posting this lament. I could relate it to the experiences related to my Memoir from an Honest Caregiver.
This prayer really resonated with me. I have a Christian Historical novel with an agent and have been waiting as she overcomes various hurdles that have been thrown her way in the process of shopping my book. It’s been a year and we’ve had some interest then drastic changes within those publishing houses. I’ve been learning to pray for my work, my agent and what God wills but when I see others being successful, I struggle not to become envious or discouraged. Thanks for the prayer.
Sometimes it gets really scary, and I guess the only thing to do, the only valid lament, is write about it. So please excuse this second comment. I’m hoping someone out there will find a resonance, and it’s offered with a full (ha!) heart.
Whatever happens, it’s OK,
and it’s all so ordinary
to realize this thing, today,
that I just had a coronary.
And it’s tempting to ask why,
and it’s tempting to give up,
curse the Holy Lord and die,
and wail that I don’t want this cup,
but to quit implies demand
for extra-special kid-glove care,
and in this place I understand
that to live must be to dare,
and so I won’t go to the light,
but, instead, bear down and write.
I love this, Judy. It was an honor to be with you in that class ❤️
This made me think of a note I keep posted above my writing desk: The question isn’t “Who am I?” but “Who is He?”
Amen.
Thank you, Amanda! That was an amazing class. I hope we run into each other again. 🙂
Thank you for this inspiring, humbling, hit-me-in-my-soul post.
The words, “Please sink that truth deep into my soul.” is the call to action. The cry of our heart.
Reminds me of the advice I heard recently to take the “yet” off the end of “God isn’t done with me yet.”
Thank you!
Thanks for sharing this. These words could’ve been mine.
Love this. I see and feel your heart. Thanks for sharing it!