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The Steve Laube Agency

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Helping to Change the World Word by Word

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Home » Karen » Page 13

Karen

Show or Tell: How Do You Know?

By Karen Ballon August 10, 2011
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As we discussed last week, it’s okay to tell at times, but in fiction you want to show the important, emotion-laden scenes. That way the reader gets the vicarious experience along with the character. So how do you know when you’re telling rather than showing? Here are a few tips:

Beware the dreaded –ly adverbs.

“Get out of my novel, you –ly adverbs!” Alice said angrily.

Ah-ah-ah! Any time you use an –ly adverb (angrily, happily, stupidly, etc), you’re telling us what the emotion is rather than showing it. Instead, show the emotion, whatever it may be, through actions or punctuation. In the example above, the exclamation point tells us Alice is being vehement, but it’s not clear if she’s angry or frightened.

Alice stared at the page of her novel, her blood pressuring rising. Thirty-two! Thirty-two –ly adverbs on one page! What was wrong with her? “Auughh!” Her cry still echoing around her, she grabbed the page, crumpled it into a compact ball, and pitched it, as hard as she could, against the wall.

One excellent resource for showing, as well as for other elements of quality fiction, is Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, by Renni Browne and Dave King (Writers’ Digest Books). If you don’t have a copy of this book on your shelf, get it today! Self-Editing recommends cutting virtually every –ly adverb one you write. It’s surprisingly easy to do so. Just use your search-and-replace function, searching for ly with the different punctuation marks after it (ly. ly, ly? ly!) and ly with a space after it. You can get rid of most, if not all, of them in no time. Replace them with a beat or just drop them.

R.U.E.: Resist the Urge to Explain

Another thing to watch for is author intrusion, which happens when you give us emotion and with, in, of, etc. (e.g., she screamed in frustration). Too often we write great descriptions, then give the reader a recap, just in case they missed the point. Not only is that telling, it’s underestimating your reader. Far better, though, to let your characters’ words and actions stand on their own. Consider the following:

  • Alice leaned forward eagerly. “I think he’s a spy!”
  • When the kitten fell off the chair, Bob laughed in an amused way.
  • Jean’s forehead creased in confusion.
  • Dan threw the book at her with an angry toss.

Where is the explaining there? Right! Eagerly, in an amused way, in confusion, with an angry toss. All of those are telling, and all are unnecessary. When you come across an explanation, cut it. If the emotion is still shown and clear, the telling wasn’t needed. If it isn’t shown, then rewrite to show without explaining. So…

  • Alice leaned forward. “I think he’s a spy!”

Leaning forward implies eagerness, so this works just by cutting the -ly adverb.

  • When the kitten fell off the chair, Bob laughed.

Okay, yes, Bob has a warped sense of humor. But we can see that just fine without the editorial of in an amused way. What’s that? Laughter isn’t always amused? True enough. Sometimes it’s wry, or angry, or sarcastic. That brings up a point to consider with showing: word choices. How about if we used another word like chuckled or chortled or giggled or laughed ’til his sides hurt. One of the keys to showing well is choosing the right words to convey the exact emotion.

  • Jean’s forehead creased.

Again, the action communicates the confusion, but if you want to be sure it’s clear that she’s confused, you could add a question from Jean to show her confusion.

  • Dan threw the book at her.

Here, too, the action shows anger. One doesn’t generally throw things at people if they’re happy. (At least, I hope not!) If you want to spice it up a bit, you could show the impact when the book hits something, or use a word like heaved, or add a muttered oath…etc.

One last word on showing: Don’t fall into clichés. If your character is angry, don’t tell us he’s “mad as a hornet.” Find a way to make the old new again by putting your own spin on it. For example, I had the dubious honor of poking a hornets’ nest when I was a kid. Yeah, what can I say, I had more chutzpah than brains. So I could rewrite the cliché as “mad as a hive-poked hornet” or “mad as a mass of hornets whose hive was just poked.”

So give it a try! Write a few lines that show one or two of the following emotions. And feel free to post your examples. And have fun!

  • Happiness
  • Joy
  • Anger
  • Fear
  • Danger
  • Revenge
  • Comfort
  • Depression
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Category: Craft, Creativity, Karen, Writing CraftTag: Craft, Karen, show don't tell, Writing Craft

Show, Don’t Tell

By Karen Ballon August 3, 2011
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I’m From Missouri—SHOW me!

Okay, truth be told, I’m from Oregon. But in the 30 years I've been editing fiction, I've discovered a number of issues almost all writers face, regardless of how much they've written or been published. If I had to pick the top issue I see over and over, it would be Show, Don't Tell.

What, you may ask, does that mean? It's actually pretty simple. It's the …

Read moreShow, Don’t Tell
Category: Craft, Karen, Writing CraftTag: Craft, Karen, show don't tell, Writing Craft

The Wrong Point-of-View

By Karen Ballon July 27, 2011
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Last week we identified Point-of-View (POV). This week, let’s consider some common POV misteps.

What's My Line?: When POV/voice doesn’t fit the character.

Here's an example. The POV character is male and a construction worker. So is the following appropriate for his POV?

Read moreThe Wrong Point-of-View
Category: Craft, Karen, Writing CraftTag: Craft, Karen, Point of View, Writing Craft

Out of Their Minds: The basics of point-of-view

By Karen Ballon July 21, 2011
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Ever been reading a novel, cooking along with the character, when you realize you’re not seeing things through that character’s eyes any longer? Somewhere along the way, something shifted and you’re inside a different character’s head. Jarring, huh? Probably jolted you out of the story, if only for a few seconds while you figured out what happened.

That, my friends, is what you want to avoid at …

Read moreOut of Their Minds: The basics of point-of-view
Category: Craft, Karen, Writing CraftTag: Craft, Karen, Point of View, Writing Craft

True Words

By Karen Ballon July 6, 2011
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Several months ago someone challenged me to read an article by Marilyn McEntyre entitled “Letting Words Do Their Work.” Because I respected the editor who made the recommendation, I hopped right on over the the link.

It’s not easy reading. Nor is it a “quick read.” But I’ll tell you what it is:

Powerful truth. If you're a writer, speaker, agent, reader, or simply one who loves--truly …

Read moreTrue Words
Category: Craft, Karen, Writing CraftTag: Craft, Karen, Writing Craft

The Care and Feeding of … WORDS!

By Karen Ballon June 29, 2011
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“Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.”
Pearl Strachan
“By words the mind is winged.”
Aristophanes
“The turn of a sentence has decided the fate of many a friendship, and, for aught that we know, the fate of many a kingdom.”
Jeremy Bentham
Amazing, isn’t it? Something so small as words can have such huge impact.

The right word in any circumstance can bring …

Read moreThe Care and Feeding of … WORDS!
Category: Craft, Creativity, Karen, Writing CraftTag: Creativity, Get Published, Karen, words, Writing Craft

Writing that Sings

By Karen Ballon June 10, 2011
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As I've started the work of being an agent and building a client list, I've had a number of folks in different venues ask me what I'm interested in representing. So thought I'd address that here.

First and foremost, you need to know that I'm looking for books that share God's truth. I want to work with authors whose books will change lives. Who bring the depth and wealth of their own spiritual …

Read moreWriting that Sings
Category: Agency, KarenTag: Agents, Karen, Marketing, Pitching, Proposals, Trends
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