In response to a recent blog post, “A Matter of Taste,” a reader asked what I would say if someone claimed there is no such thing as Christian romance.
In fact, I have been confronted with this question before. At a Christian writers’ conference a few years ago, a woman told me in a snide manner that romance is a “fantasy” and walked away before I could respond. I felt especially sad that the woman was no doubt a fellow Christian, but it sounded like it had come from a jaded secularist. I believe this woman’s attitude reflects her own experience rather than the state of Christian publishing. True, not all real life endings are happy, and Christian romance novels traditionally end with the premise that the couple will enjoy a bright future. That is the hope and promise these books offer. Indeed, isn’t that the hope and promise of weddings in real life?
The Lord never promised Christians perfect unions. My heart aches for anyone in a miserable marriage. Hurt people hurt people, so no amount of convincing will change some minds about romance. But God is bigger than any situation, and He heals willing hearts.
Inspiration
Yet to dismiss Christian romance as a fantasy is wrong, in my view. When I wrote my own Christian romance novels, my husband inspired the best elements in my heroes. My heroines were not modeled upon myself, but on women I admire. I gave my heroines qualities I wish I had in bounty. I felt uplifted as I wrote my stories. Judging from the fan mail, those stories connected with readers as well. Other authors receive heartwarming fan mail by the bagful, so I know God is using Christian romance novels to touch lives.
In Real Life…
As for real life? My husband and I have the advantage of great examples. All four sets of grandparents demonstrated “till death do us part.” Three sets celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries. Our family demonstrates that the Lord is a God of second chances, too. My husband’s mother is the child of her mother’s second marriage, as she was widowed young. My mother-in-law always speaks of how her parents encouraged her and her brother to be active in church. She ended up marrying the youth pastor who moved to town from the Midwest!
Both sets of our parents have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries. They are still devoted to each other. Though we aren’t perfect, my husband and I have tried to emulate their models. We make time for one another every day. We are individuals, but have cultivated the same interests so we enjoy doing the same things. We look forward to spending time together. We are devoted to each other. To me, that is the key word: devotion. How can you not feel romantic toward your mate when you are both devoted to one another?
Your turn:
What do you do to make your Christian marriage a Christian romance? Share your best ideas and stories!
As Jesus told parables to get His point across, so do we, as Christian authors, tell stories to get the message of God’s love and forgiveness across. If our characters are not sinners, they are not even close to people with whom readers can relate, and they ahve nowhere to grow, nothiing to learn that will help the reader grow and learn.
And readers do grow and learn from our books. I have fan mail to prove it.
And how better to portray that kind of love God wants for us here on earth than through Christian romance. God wired us for connectedness. “It is not good for man to be alone.”
The Bible is full of romances and man and woman love stories.
Cloaked in metaphor as Song of Solomon might be, we all know what is up. It does not any less evoke thoughts of physical love than does the mention of satin sheets. Not so long ago in comparison to the length of the Bible’s existence, the Bibles of young women had Song of Solomon cut out of them to protect their tender sensibilities. Don’t tell me that no one took it in purely sexual terms if that was a common practice. OK, you can tell me, and you won’t be convincing.
Romance, sex, and love are all part of a healthy and happy marriage, and marriages are more successful with God in the center of the lives of the people and thus our characters. My characters must have their hearts right with God before they can find happiness with a partner.
My husband doesn’t read too much in the way of romance, but he is a deep romantic at heart. He shows it to me in little ways like vacuuming, or ordering out dinner when he sees I’m tired or stressed. No matter how busy he is, he will drop it all to fix my computer when necessary. He watches chickflicks with me because he knows I like them and would rather watch them with me than be off doing his own thing.
I also watch things he likes more than I do, and we both end up enjoying them in the end.
His favorite movie is The Princess Bride, if that gives you any idea of what a romantic he is. In real life, he is an attorney, not at all a push-over kind of profession.
Tamela, thank you for sharing your story.
My husband and I are busy-busy like most families these days and it’s all too easy to overlook each other in our rush. Or worse, to lose patience. Simple kindness is all it takes for us to keep romance alive. I say “simple” but sometimes that is the first thing we forget.
That’s one reason I enjoy Christian fiction. It serves as a reminder to prioritize the important things. A well-written heroine gently inspires me to slow down and be kind to my real life hero.
Laurie Alice, what a great post, and a wonderful testimony about how thoughtfulness makes marriage a great place to be!
V.V., with that kind of spirit, you are well on your way to being a successful author.
So, I realize that this is an old blog, but in my search for publishing advice (I’m a newbie author), I stumbled upon this post and couldn’t help commenting. My comment doesn’t deal with marriage and romance, but instead on the side conversation about Christian Romance crossing the line.
I’m a single Christian woman and part of the reason I love reading Christian Romance are the examples of Godly relationships. I read Timothy Fish’s post concerning the excerpt from Karen Kingsbury’s “Sunrise,” and I understand what he was saying, but I don’t think Christian authors should shy away from romance or the topic of sexuality.
Here’s my point of view. Temptation is a real thing, even in a relationship with another Christian. Hormones are rampant, and as a physician I can provide the scientific facts behind that statement. There is a temptation to give in, because the World says it’s okay to have premarital relationships. Yeah, the excerpt makes you think of certain things (although it is less sexual than many movie previews or television commercials), but the difference between Christian Romance and secular romance is what happens next. If they are unmarried, then the appropriate ending is to have the characters take a step back. That’s the example I love to see in a Christian Romance. Real life applicability. It tells the older teen or young adult that they do have an alternative to giving in to peer pressure. It gives the mother of teenagers a way to open up to their daughter about the issue of love, romance, and even sexuality.
Here’s the cliche I couldn’t help adding. As a reader, I don’t like authors who are like ostriches with their heads in the sand. What an older generation would classify as pornography is commonplace in our society. Perhaps if more Christian Romance authors dealt with the issues head on, we could reach one more young woman before she irrevocably changes her life.
Rebecca, I’m so glad you found this post. I think you make very good points. God is using CBA in so many great ways. I can’t wait to see what He does next.