For a quick midweek break, here are some really bad puns for your enjoyment. None are original! Don’t blame me.
A chicken and an egg go into a restaurant. The waitress asked, “Which of you is first?”
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
Geology rocks but geography is where it’s at!
Had to close my health clinic. I didn’t have enough patience.
What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey.
Can February March? No, but April May.
How do trees feel in the Spring? Releaved.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
So what if I don’t know what “apocalypse” means? It’s not the end of the world!
I’m delighted! Somebody just broke into my apartment and stole every lamp, flashlight, and lightbulb.
He spoke, and as he’d just begun,
I flinched as though to block it,
for I knew that he would pun
as though picking my pocket,
but whence this metaphor of old,
was is Johnson, Boswell, or O’Brien?
Who this augury first told?
Well, I have been tryin’
to find out the whole picture
upon the Internet
and it seems Benjamin Victor
was as close as I could get
way back (if all I read is true)
in seventeen and twenty-two.
****
Purcell and Congreve went into
a tavern and encountered Dennis,
who, as Purcell so well knew,
thought punning dastardly menace,
and as they were there to speak alone
he had to think and say
a pun so terrible and bone
to make Dennis storm away.
He rang with no response the bell
then reached beneath the table,
and was this in the way came to tell
the Dennis-ridding fable:
“Like this table, tavern be;
there is no drawer here to see!”
***
In the 1700s, ‘drawer’ was also a term for waiter.
I’m trying to imagine the group meeting where y’all came up with these, but my head refuses to work with me.
😆
Thank you for these funny jokes that added a lot of fun!
🤣
Great post, but there is a problem. Your list has 12 puns, whereas all lists of puns should have no more or less than 10. Why? Because then you can ask the question “Did any of these puns convey any deep spiritual or hidden message of wisdom?” And the answer is “No pun in ten did.”
Sy,
That was AMAZING.
But… 12/dozen happens to create wonderful puns like:
A mother nicknamed her daughter 12. She dozen cook, dozen clean, dozen do anything.
Oh, Steve.
On the other hand, when asked if you had decided on the clever number for the list, you could reply, “Nope. Unintended.”
Thanks for the laugh today!
I’m editing TWO manuscripts (ironic both editors sent at same time). I needed the laugh. Thanks!
Punny, punny.