As Soon as Your Book Is Published (Unpublished Author Edition)
- Your hair will become fuller, lusher, and shinier.
- You will only write a thousand words a day to make a million dollars a year.
- You’ll be a bestselling author, and every book will float to the top of the charts.
- You will be the most popular author at writers conferences.
- Aspiring authors will fawn over you, keen for your wisdom.
- You can spend most of your time traveling for leisure and to conferences.
- Your patina of literary accomplishment will impress friends, family, and strangers.
- Your editor will never touch your work because of your brilliance.
As Soon as Your Book Is Published (Published Author Edition)
- Your hair may be a mess since you have no time to visit the salon.
- You have to write like a fiend every day to make bank.
- You find that bestseller lists are mercurial.
- Conferences engage lots of fashionable authors.
- Teaching fawning writers is work.
- You have to schedule business and leisure travel around deadlines.
- Patina doesn’t pay the electric bill.
- Your editor may exercise his latitude to request comprehensive rewrites.
How to Say Goodbye to 2020
Cute. I had such a struggle getting to the stage of publishing my first novel, I think all my dreams of grandeur had faded. Now I’m about to publish my second book, I’ve made pocket change, and I have a tiny following. If I can honour God with my stories, improve my skill with each book, and respect my readers by offering them only quality work, I will be satisfied.
I could go for the hair becoming fuller, lusher, and shinier.
I will NEVER forget the first time I sunburned the top of my head. I didn’t realize it had happened (or even could) and ran a comb through my hair. That was my first truly out-of-body experience. 😯
True! Welcome to the REAL world! Thank you, Tamela. 💕
Ha ha, I love it! Yeah, listening to my friends who have pressing contracts weighing their shoulders is enlightening. Each stage has its own trials and joys. I need to remember to soak up the joys from each one, because the stage I’m dreaming of will come with its very own trouble just as much as the stage I’m dreaming of leaving behind. Appreciate the journey, is not simply a nice saying.
Wow, talk about a wake up call! I was assuming that I would have thinner thighs, shiner hair, and no midriff budge, once my books were published and that I would live in the lap of luxury evermore. You mean that it really isn’t like winning the lottery and ending up on My Lottery Dream Home? Oh, well, such is life.
Thanks for my morning laugh. Loved this, Tamela! Sharing…
No publishers are courting me,
my name’s not found on bookstore shelf;
if I’m to claim some victory
I must search within myself
for the slow and humble growth
that’s dragged from every halting word
which steps in line to pledge my troth
in offered service to the Lord.
I do not ask for fame or glory,
for mansions vast, resources deep,
for followers for every story,
but there is still a dream I keep;
God, my plea is teeny-weeny,
just a brand-new Lamborghini.
Loved your post this morning, Tamela. To change Mary Poppins’ song a bit from the movie, “A spoonful of humor makes the medicine go down.”
. . .love it. Thank you Tamela for keeping our egos within workable limits.
Bahahaha! This totally made my day! Thank you! Such truth in your post. 🙂
If you write 1000 words a day about something a dishonest billionaire doesn’t want the public to know and you get the money for NOT publishing what you write, I guess you could make a million dollars in a year (assuming you’re still alive at year’s end). But somehow that sounds more like an unbelievable plot than real life.
Funny! It took four years to write and edit (and edit and edit) my first book, which I just completed. Looks like I’ve only just begun!
Haha! I love this, but glad I don’t see myself believing the unpublished descriptives—quite the opposite. I have many friends who are authors, and I hear what goes on behind the scenes. It makes me a little nervous but doesn’t frighten me. I stand ready when the doors open.
Funny, Tamela. Good reality check! Thanks.