I learned recently that my agent—the man, the myth, the legend, Steve Laube—speaking at a writers conference, quoted something I’d said in a recent conference keynote. Yes, you read that right! The Great One actually quoted me! Me! And it wasn’t the usual “Can you believe anyone is that stupid?” sort of allusion. It was in a favorable context, as though I’d said something of value.
Well, slap my face and call me Red.
In my keynote, I had mentioned a Zoom meeting in which I was talking to a fellow writer and teacher of writing. She said she’d met me at a writers conference years before, in an editorial appointment (these are valuable features of many such events, providing writers the opportunity to meet with editors, agents, and accomplished authors, to receive feedback and advice—and even, every great once-in-a-while, a promise of publication). This person told me that she had handed me her manuscript; I read it; and when I finished reading, she said I asked, “Why are you angry?”
I was horrified. I said, “Nooo! I didn’t.”
She laughed and said, “Yes, you did.”
I said, “I’m so sorry.”
“No,” she said, “you were right. I was writing from a place of anger.”
I had no memory of that meeting. And I don’t think I’ve ever said something so blunt and unsympathetic to anyone else in an appointment. (Please don’t provide examples in the comments.)
But I had a point in telling that story to 500 or more writers. Because we’ve all suffered pain—in life, from family and friends, even in pursuing writing for publication.
But whatever pain haunts you and still hurts you, my advice is to give yourself the time and space to recover. Yes, writing about your pain may be cathartic; it may be therapeutic—for you. But it won’t help your reader if you’re still bleeding. It gets all over the pages. It makes a mess. It’s just not a good look.
If you’re writing something you intend for publication, don’t try to write about it while you’re still bleeding. Let it scab, let it heal, and even scar.
Write from scars, not open wounds; and you’ll be in a much better place to write something that will help others.
Out of the Bubble
This cancer just ain’t gonna scar,
it kills me a bit more each day,
and thus it moves to raise the bar
of how to say what I must say,
and forces me to know the truth,
that this is God’s will, and I must
accept it as a living proof
of my faith and of my trust.
It’s not something He ‘allowed’;
and yet, it is part of His plan,
and I admit I’m kinda proud
to have this chance to play the man
who walks in pain and chokes on breath,
and every day defeats his death.
I don’t know God’s purpose in this trial you are enduring, but he does have a plan, and your being here is an important part of that plan. Praying for you, as always.
Yep, Jesus was a man of sorrow and suffering. And when people ask, “Where was God?” when something horrible happens, I always respond, “The same place He was when His Son was on the cross.”
God does allow some pretty awful things. There are even times He causes it. Either way, He’s in control. But it’s never without a good and Godly purpose. And, best of all, it’s TEMPORARY!!
((hugs)) and prayers!
Interesting perspective, especially since I am beginning to write about a tough experience in my life.
“Write from scars, not open wounds; and you’ll be in a much better place to write something that will help others.” So very true. It is then we can share wisely, discerning what needs to be told and not. Rather than just the pain, then the healing and hope is seen in a brighter light. This also can apply when writing an email. Sometimes it is good to construct it and sit on it for a day or two before hitting the send button. Much wisdom in this post!
Thank you for this post. What a wonderful lesson.
So wise.
Interesting that it’s scars and not scabs. Scabs can bleed ugly too.
Thanks for this great post.
Thank you, Bob. My would is not bleeding quite so profusely and may even scar over enough for me to write about it. Meantime, the bleeding helps me write devotions and get closer to God.
***wound*** not *would*
Wise words. I wrote for myself out of my wounds, and then I wrote from my scars and received an editor’s choice award for a creative non-fiction piece. I was thrilled and honored to receive such an award.
I mainly write fiction and two of my current pieces are about widows resetting their lives after death and survival from less than pleasant marriages. Writing from scars and not wounds. I hope I do this successfully.
Helpful wisdom. Thank you.
Hi Bob … this is soooo good! Some people don’t think they’re bleeding … but that’s only because they’ve used a tourniquet of sorts … bottling up their pain instead of letting it heal. But it does come out on the page anyway. Thanks for sharing this. And congratulations on the Great One quoting you … I loved that part of your post!
Yes! I’m putting together a proposal right now for talking about sensitive topics & this is one of my points. We all need to remember this.
On another note, I see you like long sentences. I do, too. The next time one of my critique buddies tells me that my sentences should be shorter, I am going to let them know that Bob Hostetler uses long sentences, so I can too!
Well, I heard it from you during your keynote and from Steve when he quoted you, and I heard from both of you AFTER reading Nouwen’s Wounded Healer. So, I am paying careful attention to that message as I write The Prodigal’s Son MS. I’m TRYING to let God type the story because my attempts ressulted in three Chapter 12’s and an overall chaotic chapter structure.
He must increase, I must decrease.
Wow! The lessons we learn from the seemingly simple things in life. This has definitely opened up my eyes to “a million little things.” Thank you.
Thank you, Bob.
My mom passed away in December after a year-long battle with cancer. I couldn’t think of anything BUT pain during those months – hers and mine. After she passed, I bled all over everything I tried to write, and it wasn’t pretty. Painful. Raw. Ugly. I stepped away from my WIP for months because I looked through a lens of brokenness, and everything became distorted.
Months later, God led me back. Gently. “It’s time,” He whispered. Oh, the tears that came – the tears that are coming NOW while writing even this. But the amazing thing about God, the WIP I began before Mom’s diagnosis, is what I need to read NOW. The protagonist’s grief and inability to create because of that inner turmoil mirrors my own struggle. Only God could know then what I would need to heal today. Only God could lead me back at the right time so I could bring my pain with me to enrich my story while it’s still close, but not so close as to be distorted or messy. Oh, the pain is still very real. But now I can see it more clearly through my character’s eyes and watch God move throughout the pages, in her life and my own, healing in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
Writing fiction is my heart. God is healing both in me. I can already see His fingerprint on each scar.
Well said! Thanks, Bob!
Great advice! And told so well. 😊
So much truth in that! Write from the wound for yourself, your healing, and God. Write from the scars for others. But be brave enough to do it, because it will still hurt, but is worth it.
“Write from scars, not open wounds.” YES! Thank you, Bob!
Thank you for your wise words, Bob.
Sometimes I find it helpful to write my personal stories in third person, as an observer, before changing it to my first person POV (when I can add thoughts and feelings, if needed). It breaks the story down to only what is seen and heard, much like a movie, and creates an emotional distance between myself and the events I experienced. In fact, I’m writing a screenplay of my story first, partly for this reason.
Thank you for this post. I’m writing my first novel (fourth book altogether) and I hadn’t realised just how tempting wounds could be! “Write from scars and not wounds” is a wonderful way to gain focus, and to see where work needs to be done before and during writing.
Thank you, Bob. As a nurse I can so relate to this analogy. Scars are tough and make the damaged skin strong and secure. Scabs (and wounds) are fragile and need to be protected and tended carefully but diligently. They will heal given time and that careful attention. Writing from a scar is great advice.