Almost every time we post a story or give a “don’t do this” example, we receive emails and phone calls. “Were you talking about me?”
Why, yes. Yes we were.
Actually, something you did may have reminded us about something someone else did, which reminded us about something else that happened years ago. I’ve been an agent for well over a decade, so I’ve seen lots of situations happen more than once. So I might be inspired to write about an event because the fact it’s happened more than once shows that addressing it will help a lot of people. Maybe even you.
If it makes you feel better, realize it’s a two-way street. People also write about agents. I may read a post and wonder if I’m the particular agent who offended someone. Maybe. Maybe not. But I can learn from reading posts about how I can be a better agent.
Think about your stories. Aren’t many of your characters composites of people you know? What would happen if you had to field phone calls from offended friends and relatives every time a character misbehaved in your book? How would you address an angry phone call from your sister-in-law? Or the dismay of a cousin? I suggest first, thank her for being one of your readers.
But any time you think we may be talking about you and this really bothers you, we don’t mind if you ask us about it. Recently I saw a post (not on our blog) open up communication between two people who went on to reconcile and forgive years-old wounds. But please don’t feel hurt or put upon if you feel we may be using a composite of you and several other people in regards to something such as how to write a letter. We aren’t mad at you. Seriously. We just want to help everyone in the publishing community.
And thank you for being one of our readers.
Your turn:
Have you ever read a post that made you squirm, thinking it may have been about you? Did you ask the writer about it?
Has anyone ever asked you if one of your characters was based on them? What did you do?
You’re much nicer about it than my pastor. He says that people often ask him the same thing about his sermons. His answer is Yes. If what I said tweaked your conscience, then it was about you! And he’s glad.
So, yes, intentionally or not, if something hits you between the eyes, it’s probably because you needed to hear it.
Can’t imagine it’s different with an agents’ blog. Thanks Tammy
I haven’t come across it in my own writing, but several years back I read an essay a friend had written for a college class, and she’d used several people’s stories as examples of Christian dating gone wrong. I realized she’d used the life of a friend we didn’t realize we had in common. Since the person was recognizable, it was good the paper wasn’t for publication, but it taught me to be careful how I refer to real people in a negative light. Fortunately, I write mostly fiction, so any characters that drawn from people I know tend to be amalgamations.
I squirm often when pastors preach and agents and editors blog. But I’ve never thought that a post was really a response to a particular sin I committed or query I sent.
Still, one reason I love it when agents and editors post the really funny queries–the “Slushpile Hell” quality queries–is that it makes me feel better about the bonehead queries I’ve sent.
I’ve never had anyone ask me if I was writing about them in a work of fiction, but once a family member recognized her mother in a blog post. She had a different view of her mother than I did and my blog post really made her angry because she thought I was being unfair. But we managed to talk it through, without my telling her any terrible tales about her mother, and it all worked out well.
I cringe at the “you’re a newbie if you…” posts. It’s like Jeff Foxworthy and the “you might be a redneck” jokes. Thankfully, I have yet to sit my granny on the roof of the van.
Speaking of her. I named my e-ville, awful, terrible “murdered-10-people-in-an-arson” after my grandmother. Same last name and everything.
🙂
Without getting all Dr Phil, as this is not the venue….granny earned it.
My mother has yet to ask me to change it. That tells you something.
Ouch. I had a sister-in-law who named her pig Mary Jane after my mother. Awful. My mother did not deserve it. The sister-in-law was not a happy woman. Hey…I’ve been trying to get a handle on the villain in my WIP. She could be my SIL. I think I just had a breakthrough!
Sally, that’ll be 189$ plus tax for the consult, and a 27 point font dedication in the book.You are welcome!
As long as the book isn’t called “A Walk With The Self Absorbed”.
🙂
I think this is partly why we newbies have such a hard time hitting “send” with a proposal. I would be mortified to see my words quoted in a post telling everyone “don’t do this.” On the other hand, I appreciate the helpfulness of those posts — and your politeness. I have wondered who that writer is that slid his proposal underneath the bathroom stall. What a way to go down in history! Thank you for all your hard work and your willingness to educate us!
Meghan, my guess is that many writers tried the bathroom stall tactic in the past — although I doubt anyone who keeps up with writers conference lore will ever make such an attempt now!
Wasn’t me. Thank heaven, this tale was already circulating when I first sent out proposals. Whew!
I’m just grateful and appreciative for the time you (and the other wonderful agents) take to write these blog posts. I’ve learned (and continue to learn) SO much from you all! 🙂
I agree wtih Patti Jo. Your posts are so helpful! I haven’t yet read a blog where I wondered if the writer was talking to me. Hopefully, I can stay under that radar. 🙂 If it ever does happen, I hope I can choose a teachable spirit over being/remaining hurt.
Thanks, Tamela!
I’ve never had readers ask if I’d written about them, but someone related to me once asked, “Who was the REAL father in that story?” Not sure sure I ever convinced her that there was no “real” father, because I made up the whole story! Some folks don’t seem to understand that writers can create 100% fictional characters.
Rick, that means you really brought your character to life!
I know, I had lunch w/ some friends the other day and they kept asking about my book, “was this real?” “Oh, but that must have been real right?” They were disappointed when I kept telling them, “No, I made that up! That’s why it’s called a NOVEL.” 🙂
Good Morning Tamela,
Oh yes, this is one of those toughies. If you are, in any way, a “front-lines” person – a speaker, a teacher, a preacher, a writer, an agent – where your words get put out there, you’re bound to get questions like these. My poor mother, whom I ADORE and respect and REQUIRE her opinion and help on my MSs, read my last one and asked if the brisk, Type-A character was based on her!!!! Rather than deny it (for the very reason Debra stated above) I gave her my “formula answer” – There are bits and pieces of all the women I know and love in each one of my heroines.” I recently had an old HS boyfriend ask me who he was in my books, a hero or villain. (Really? I haven’t seen you in 20 years and per your FB page/pics, I think that’s okay.) Guess what I told him? “There are bits and pieces of all the men I’ve ever known, loved and hated in my heroes and villains.” Guess what! They were both happy, appeased, and tickled at the thought that they were tucked in there somewhere! See? It works!
Have a wonderful day – and yes, that means you, Tamela.
Becky
Becky, What a great answer!
Becky, remind me to send you money and gifts.
Love that response, Becky! I’ll have to use it next time someone asks me, because I’m starting to get that question! 🙂
I’ve never felt that squirmy feeling – yet. But as I interact more and more with writers by leading my writers group or my conference, I suspect I will be more paranoid about showing up in someones book or article someday. And that’s ok. I guess it would be good to know you made an impression – hopefully a good one! I never really think about modeling my characters after anyone I know but I imagine we do it subconsciously. Great post – I’ll be thinking about this today 🙂
Jan
I smiled all the way through this post and comments. While I’ve never been used as a specific example of what not to do, I’ve committed almost all the “mistakes that newbies make” (except the bathroom stall). When I first discovered agent blogs–a little late–I realized many of my mistakes and consequently spent some time hiding under my desk in embarrassment. Many thanks to you and other kindhearted agents for not naming names. 🙂
One time, years ago, one of my friends from highschool found out who I was planning to vote for in the state governor election – the next day she commented to a mutual friend on Facebook about how dissapointed she was that I would vote for him – the only trouble was, I saw the post. I wasn’t offended (I’m a pretty staunch supporter of that particular governor), but it made me realize the importance of always speaking words, whether in public or in private, that you’d be okay with others hearing.
Gabrielle, I was telling someone today that I consider Facebook a big party. You never know who’ll drop in! So you are right — it is wise not to treat any social media as a discussion between two people across the kitchen table.
Reminds me of that “You’re So Vain” song by Carly Simon (I think)–“I’ll bet you think this song is about you, don’t you?”.
And Jennifer, don’t feel bad on those Newbie posts (esp. on my blog!) I was a proud Newbie writer and I might just stay one indefinitely! Seriously, though, I wanted to tell people the stuff I couldn’t find when I needed to know it. Stuff about basic formatting and following query protocol, etc.
I just figure if something makes you feel squirmy, sermon or otherwise, you need to work on it. I try not to take anything personally (in fact, you have to try REALLY HARD to offend or shock me!).
And I agree w/Becky. None of our characters are based 100% on someone else. They’re bits and pieces, all conglomerated. They take on lives of their own, and we just roll w/their stories!
Great post as always, Tamela!
Although…I did write a fascinating story about an awesome …uhh…East Virginian chick named Geather Hay Dilbert. Seriously, NOTHING about her is like anyone I know. I mean, she has 3 kids, talks funny and has a blog. Nothing like anyone else….
That sounds sooo familiar somehow!