Hello, my friends, and welcome back. In my last blog post, I asked what topics you’d like me to discuss. One person asked about description. How do you know when you have enough? How do you know how much to keep and what to edit out? So, first, let’s talk about:
What is the purpose of description?
Description should serve a specific purpose. It’s up to you as the author to determine that purpose. There’s no set hard-and-fast rule about description. Like 200 words go “here” and 100 words go “there.” You just have to ask yourself a few questions like:
- Does my description set the scene?
- Does my description help develop the character?
- Does my description advance the plot?
In our story with Oliver and Sophia, let’s write the opening scene, then discuss the description.
Oliver Wells glanced at the clock. 7:45. He had fifteen minutes before he had to leave for the office. The pouring rain outside his kitchen window promised to be another soggy September day. “Gia, you about ready?”
“I guess.” His nine-year-old daughter dragged herself and her backpack to the table and scarfed her blueberry muffin and two strips of crisp bacon. She chugged her half glass of orange juice, then stood. “Okay, I’m ready now.” She grabbed a hair tie from her pocket and passed it to him. “You can do the honors.”
He shook his head and smiled. Her golden-brown eyes and dark skin had ceased to remind him of his ex-wife and the pain she’d caused both of them. Now, when he looked at his child, he only saw Gia. Her tender heart and willingness to help anyone who needed it was all him. Which would lead to hurt one day; but for now, he did his best to protect her and her innocence. He grimaced at his negative thoughts and focused on pulling Gia’s hair into her signature ponytail.
Footsteps on the stairs turned his attention to his mother. She was dressed in her usual leggings and long t-shirt, tennis shoes, and smart watch. It was Monday. She’d drop Gia at school, then head to her Pilates class at the gym around the corner. “I’ve got to go, ladies.” He kissed Gia on the head. “I’ll see you after school. Have a good day.”
“Are you going to put together a face today?” Gia asked, stuffing another piece of bacon in her mouth.
As a forensic artist, he often spent his days reconstructing skulls to help find missing people. “Yes, ma’am. Say a prayer for the unknown family. Whoever they are, they’re missing her.”
“Okay, Daddy. I will.”
He bussed his mother’s cheek, then hurried out the door to climb in his car, thanking God for the little things in life—like garages. And daughters who prayed. And mothers who helped take care of grandchildren. Okay, maybe the last two weren’t so little.
Fifteen minutes later, he pulled into the parking space at his lab, ducked his head against the rain that slowed to a drizzle, and hurried inside. He was early. As usual. But he liked being the only one in the place. It gave him time to map out his day before the interruptions started. He swiped his card and pushed through the door. Only to come to a halt. “What the–?”
The words echoed in the silence while his gaze took in the destruction. His heart thundered in his ears. Someone had broken into his lab and turned it into a chaotic mess of broken equipment, torn notes, and shattered laptop as if they were searching for something specific and wanted to leave as much devastation as possible in their wake. He reached for his phone and dialed 911 when a sound from behind the bathroom snagged his focus.
So, here we have the opening scene. Keep in mind, I just drafted this for this post, so it might need a little editing. But for now, let’s go with using it for the purpose of learning about description.
Let’s talk about the first question:
Does my description set the scene? What does that mean exactly?
Readers need to be anchored into place. They need to know where the characters are because that’s where the reader will be. So, some description establishes the time and place of the story.
Did this scene to that?
Do you know where the characters are? Do you know the kind of story this is going to be only from this scene?
Take a look at your own work, and ask yourself that question as you read through your description. Next time, I’ll talk more about description using this same scene.
The Power of Mentorship: Why Every Writer Needs a Wise Guide
The rain pattered upon the roof
(it was a dark and stormy night!)
as glowing laptop screen gave proof
that beagles do know how to write.
In popular, the dog is seated
on the ridgeline of his house,
but good work there will be defeated
for any larger than a mouse,
and so it is inside he labours,
leaning on the famed football,
while bust of Beethoven favours
Linus’ blanket, used a shawl
to keep out the mocking sound
of the Red Baron flying ’round.
Haha! Love Snoopy! Great poem, Andrew!
Description is something I struggle with. Thank you for writing this post. It was so helpful. I can’t wait to read your next one.
So glad you found it helpful. 🙂 Thanks for letting me know!
This post came at a very propitious time. And has been very helpful. I love it when examples drive home the point. Thank you.
Wonderful! So glad you found it helpful. Thank you for letting me know!
Wonderful! Thank you for letting me know it came at the right time and that you found it helpful. 🙂
I love reading your “how to” posts each week! They’re very helpful–both in writing and editing. Thank you so much for the time you put into them and sharing them.
Thank you, Barbara. So glad you find something in them that helps you out. 🙂 You’re very welcome!
Hi Lynette,
Great post! Description is certainly a must, and asking myself the posed questions can help me get to the root of balancing description with action.
In the example you’ve provided, you manage to insert necessary description amidst the action. I’ve read books where description becomes the focal point, but it lacks action, and vice versa. Do you think in an opening scene, it’s appropriate for one to outweigh the other? For example, if an opening scene is all action-based, can that adequately set the tone for description to come at a later point?
That’s a really GREAT question. And, in my opinion, there’s not a black and white answer. I think that the balance between action and description can vary depending on the story’s needs and the atmosphere you’re trying to establish. Both action and description are crucial, but obviously, they serve different purposes.
For example:
With an action-based opening, the good thing is that this engages the reader immediately, sets a fast-paced tone, and can introduce conflict or tension. These are the kind of openings that I generally have in my stories. However, if you do this, then you have to make sure you “explain” or balance with some description later because when it’s all action, the context and depth may not come through clear enough.
If you have a description-based opening, the pros with that is you have an easier time establishing the setting, mood, characters, etc. You’ve set up a rich backdrop for the story that allows the reader to have an immediate sense of where they are and who the characters are and so on.
*NOTE: You CAN do this with an action-based opening, but just in a different way as the action-based story will come across faster paced and set the tone for what’s to come.
Which brings me to one of the cons with a descrition-based story. If it’s too slow to really start and get into the story, you could lose readers.
So, all that to say: The key is balance. 🙂
I hope that helps. I feel like I’ve written another blog post with that answer! LOL. I may use part of that for next time! 🙂
Thanks, Lynette!! This is very helpful – as you have said…finding the balance is key!
You’re very welcome!
Good morning, Lynette, and thank you for a timely post: my morning’s work will be writing a brand-new open to introduce a protagonist, the setting, and an immediate confrontation which must establish the protagonist’s ambivalence and fears, yet result in a heart-felt instinctive response that results in the protagonist bonding for the rest of the novel with a fellow-quester. Your off-the-cuff (amazing!) open is a perfect confidence-booster! Well, got to run. As Snuffy Smith used to say in the comics, “Time’s a wastin’!”
Thank you, George. 🙂 Good luck!
Thank you, George. 🙂 Good luck with the new opening!
Very helpful. Thank you.
You’re very welcome. 🙂 Hope you’re doing well!
Wow! This is good and helpful. Thank you for posting. I will definitely be watching for the next ones.
Thank you! So glad you found it helpful!
Very thought provoking. I know must ponder a while. I think I tend to be better at character description than location description.
Recently I wrote a piece about my grandmother and went back to edit in some specific details to the description of the bayou we were fishing in. I think, when we see the place so clearly, we might sometimes fail to remember they don’t see what we see unless we describe it. Thank you.
That is a very good point! We see stuff in our minds so clearly and sometimes we don’t realize we’re not conveying what’s in our head so that someone else can see it clearly as well. 🙂 And honestly, I’m better at character description too. I have to work at the location stuff a lot harder! LOL. Thanks for stopping by.
It is best to err on the side of caution. It t is better to have too little than too much description. The reader has an imagination and if needed can fill in things left unsaid. Too much description interferes with the flow of the story and the reader gets tangled in the web of things the writer wants him to see and they lose interest.
Very true! Sometimes we need to let the reader use their imagination. I’m one that prefers that in the books I read. I want enough to ground me and let me see where I am and who’s there, then let my imagination take over. 🙂
Wow, Ms. Eason, I am already very drawn into this story and can’t wait to read more, even though I know that’s not your purpose with this segment. Is there too much or not enough description is something I ask my beta readers for sure. I did read advice a long time ago, I think from Jerry Jenkins, that the reader needs to build the setting themselves; that they do not need much to go on from the author to form a complete picture in our own minds. For example, I already know what the kitchen would look like–I don’t need a description that includes the kind of wood the cabinets are or that the chairs are upholstered. Unless of course that will come into play later. Again, for example, I wonder if I need to know that Grandma’s gym is around the corner from Gia’s school–will there be an emergency coming up in the story where she has to pick the girl up quickly?
I see that you gave so little description, and yet I, the reader, have enough of a complete picture in my head. Thank you for this lesson! –Nikki
Thank you, Nikki! Jerry Jenkins is a wonderful teacher to learn from. And I love that you wonder if Grandma’s gym is around the corner from Gia’s school! That’s something I hadn’t thought about. haha! I’m glad to know that I gave enough description for to have the complete picture in your head. I so appreciate the feedback!
You have my attention and I want to read more! It’s humbling to read pointers from a pro, but gives me an idea of areas in my writing that need more work.
Thank you 🙂
So glad I could help. 🙂 I love it when I read something from someone else and the lightbulb goes off! I’m ALWAYS learning and looking for people to learn FROM. And it’s amazing. This writing journey we’re all on is so weird! LOL. But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. 🙂
You nailed it, as always! Love your descriptions!
Thakn you, Loretta!!
I think your description helped us to care about the characters as well as ground us in the place and space.
Beautiful post and very useful.
Thanks and God bless you.
Sophia
Thank you for your post of description. It answered many questions for me as a new writer.