We’re still discussing description and how to use it effectively in your story. Today, let’s address how doing description right is crucial to the pacing of your story. Balancing description with action is key to maintaining the appropriate pace.
Let’s write a little more of Oliver’s scene and see what happens to the pacing.
Here’s the last little bit of the scene we’re writing:
Someone had broken into his lab and turned it into a chaotic mess of broken equipment, torn notes, and shattered laptop as if they were searching for something specific and wanted to leave as much devastation as possible in their wake. He reached for his phone and dialed 911 when a sound from behind the bathroom door snagged his focus.
He paused. Run or …
Oliver walked over to the surgical tool drawer, never taking his eyes from the bathroom door. All was quiet now, and he almost wondered if he’d imagined it.
The 911 operator was speaking, but he didn’t dare answer. Not yet. He snagged the surgical blade he used to make the standard Y incision and prayed he didn’t need to wield it in self-defense.
But he would. And could.
The door flew open. A masked man built like a linebacker charged out, shot past Oliver, and aimed himself at the exit.
“Hey!” Oliver considered a tackle, but Gia’s sweet face flashed in his mind’s eye; and he hesitated. That was long enough for the intruder to bolt out into the hallway. Oliver followed, keeping the guy in sight until he slammed out of the emergency exit that would take him to the morgue parking lot. Oliver stayed behind him, reporting everything to the dispatcher.
The guy turned, knife flashing in his gloved hand; and Oliver jumped back, holding out his own knife. “Stay back or I’ll kill you,” the guy said, his voice cold and flat. Then he spun and raced across the parking lot and into the street.
Oliver ignored the warning and picked up the pace, fueled by fury and the desire to make this guy pay for trashing his precious lab. Then the man hopped on a motorcycle, cranked it, and roared away. “He’s on a motorcycle heading east on McKinney Lane. Parallel to the hospital.”
“Relaying that information to the officers en route.”
Sirens sounded behind him, and a police cruiser zipped past him in pursuit of the knife wielding intruder. Oliver jogged back to the parking lot as the police cruisers pulled to a stop.
A woman exited the nearest SUV and walked toward him, badge displayed on her belt. She had her dark hair pulled into a ponytail and shades covered her eyes. When she reached him, she held out a hand. “Detective Sophia Porter,” she said.
“Dr. Oliver Tyson.” He shook her hand.
“Are you all right?” she asked, brows pulled tight. “Do you need medical care?”
“I’m fine. He never touched me, just ran past me.”
She pulled out a notebook. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Okay, let’s analyze.
What did you think about the pacing of that scene?
How did I integrate the description with the action? This means combining descriptions with actions to keep the story moving.
Did I avoid lengthy paragraphs and use concise, vivid descriptions?
Did I spread out descriptions in some places, rather than clustering them? This means integrating details about characters, settings, and actions throughout the narrative, rather than dumping all descriptive information in one spot. This approach helps maintain the flow of the story, keeps the readers engaged, and avoids overwhelming them with too much information at once. It allows descriptions to feel more natural and dynamic, fitting seamlessly into the story as it unfolds.
Take a look at your work in progress, and decide if your description paces your story appropriately.
