In my opinion, there are too many suggestions to improve things. Ten keys to success, five days to improving something, 12 steps to overcoming something, transform something by the end of the week, etc.
An entirely neglected approach to life is how to make it go sour. Messing it up needs equal time and attention. Not enough is written about it and not enough time is spent discussing it.
Forget making lemonade from lemons, here are eleven proven methods to putting the lemonade back where it belongs…and derail your otherwise tolerable writing life. Do these all in one week and I will guarantee a sour experience, like chugging a tall glass of warm unsweetened lemonade on a hot summer day and realizing you just swallowed four flies who died in the pitcher.
Does that scream “summer fun” or what?
Here is your list for today, guaranteed to eliminate any enjoyment from writing:
- Pay no attention to anyone who knows what they are doing – close your eyes and ears to the distractions. After all, you know how to write and know everything about publishing. How hard can it be? Hey, if that football player can write a book, certainly I can!
- Treat a book contract like you deserved it – Hey, you have worked hard at writing. You are special. You deserve this. You need to tell people that you are special and you deserve it. Humility is overrated and no fun at all.
- Pay no attention to manuscript deadlines – First, you have a life and this manuscript deadline was arbitrary anyway, so forget those people who are waiting for it. Second, see reason number two.
- Treat an editor like the enemy – How dare they change my words. This is MY book, not theirs. Okay, so I misspelled a few werds and didn’t get my facts straight and can’t find the source of the quote I used. Details, details. (See #2)
- Be too busy for family and friends – I am working hard to hit my deadline (whatever that is), fulfill the contract, must write the book, must get it right, must hit the deadline, must get it right. Do you think I have a clone? This book is too important.
- Be too busy to grow spiritually – Serve in the church? I have a book deadline! Small group Bible study? Be serious. I am writing something that will change the world and you want me to stop writing to meet? Come on, I write Bible studies, I don’t use them.
- Truly believe your reviews, both good and bad – Woohoo! Bob from Memphis gave me five-stars! I love being an author. Wait. Jan from Denver hated it. One star? I am going to hunt her down.
- Determine your value to God by your royalty report – one hundred twenty copies sold last year? That’s it, I give up. God can’t use 120 copies.
- Treat a publisher like the enemy – I heard that publishers regularly gather around a boiling kettle and chant spells, throwing eyes of newt into the brew.
- Work to develop your craft by yourself – Writers conferences or writer-groups are a waste of my time. They should be paying me to teach, not charging me to attend.
- I am on a mission for God – I am God’s messenger to this generation and everyone and everything is either a distraction or threat to my mission. Must destroy them. Spiritual warfare has casualties and it will be them, not me.
Having fun yet?
Read Galatians 5.