You know “The Twelve Days of Christmas” song, right? Do you dislike it as much as I do? Do you turn off the music stream the moment it starts? Do you wish it would be banned from stores and restaurants?
Love it or hate it, the song dates back centuries. And, like other delights of the season, such as fruitcake and plum pudding, it came from England. Thanks a lot, mates.
But as odd and monotonous as the traditional lyrics are, the writer’s “Twelve Days of Christmas” is a different matter entirely. Don’t believe me? Well, get ready. Here’s “The Twelve Days of a Writer’s Christmas” (sing along):
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
a shredder for rejection slips …
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
nine chapters finished,
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
ten deadlines looming,
nine chapters finished,
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
eleven pages written,
ten deadlines looming,
nine chapters finished,
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
twelve MORE ideas,
eleven pages written,
ten deadlines looming,
nine chapters finished,
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
Okay, so maybe I’m no songwriter. What would you swap out–and in?
Let me know in the comments.
Publishing Is a Global Business
Bob, this is SO good!
One thing I would add (but I wouldn’t know what to subtract!)…
***
On the first day of Christmas
my true love gave to me
a ticket to a must-not-miss
conference in Memphis, Tennessee.
It’s ACFW,
she thinks that I need it,
“I know gath’rings trouble you,
but get advice and heed it,
’cause it’s plot structure that you lack,
and thus you might become
more than a wordy hack
if you can be among
writers whose success you seek
and you’ll be out of the house for half a week.”