You know “The Twelve Days of Christmas” song, right? Do you dislike it as much as I do? Do you turn off the music stream the moment it starts? Do you wish it would be banned from stores and restaurants?
Love it or hate it, the song dates back centuries. And, like other delights of the season, such as fruitcake and plum pudding, it came from England. Thanks a lot, mates.
But as odd and monotonous as the traditional lyrics are, the writer’s “Twelve Days of Christmas” is a different matter entirely. Don’t believe me? Well, get ready. Here’s “The Twelve Days of a Writer’s Christmas” (sing along):
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
a shredder for rejection slips …
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
nine chapters finished,
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
ten deadlines looming,
nine chapters finished,
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
eleven pages written,
ten deadlines looming,
nine chapters finished,
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me …
twelve MORE ideas,
eleven pages written,
ten deadlines looming,
nine chapters finished,
eight books on writing,
seven proofread typos,
six more ideas,
five … writing … cramps!
four cups of coffee,
three beta readers,
two new ideas,
and a shredder for rejection slips …
Okay, so maybe I’m no songwriter. What would you swap out–and in?
Let me know in the comments.
Publishing Is a Global Business
Bob, this is SO good!
One thing I would add (but I wouldn’t know what to subtract!)…
***
On the first day of Christmas
my true love gave to me
a ticket to a must-not-miss
conference in Memphis, Tennessee.
It’s ACFW,
she thinks that I need it,
“I know gath’rings trouble you,
but get advice and heed it,
’cause it’s plot structure that you lack,
and thus you might become
more than a wordy hack
if you can be among
writers whose success you seek
and you’ll be out of the house for half a week.”
“you’ll be out of the house for half a week” made me almost spit my coffee out. haha!
Pam, those were Barb’s exact words.
And she’s investing in the hope that I will be able to travel.
I know what it’s like, being married to a giant.
This is so fun, Bob! MORE ideas!!! MORE ideas!! hahaha!
I’ll have to think what I would add. Maybe MORE days? 😉
Bob, I’ve always found that 12 days song interminable as well. And now I have the perfect song to torment my fellow writers with at our upcoming Christmas gathering. I know they’ll all thank you! Seriously, I couldn’t resist singing this one aloud over breakfast. (My husband thanks you too.)
My husband is wondering why I spit out my coffee, then started giggling, and am now pounding my desk while howling with laughter. He thinks I’ve finally lost it.
He’s not far from wrong.
This is brilliant. Thank you!
I Love, Love, Love this! So creative!!!
This is so great. The only one I would change is ten deadlines looming (insert shocked face here). One at a time is doable! I love all the ideas! Maybe number ten could be “ten readers laughing.”
Have a Merry Christmas, Bob.
I got a kick out of that. But unfortunately, it triggered the following in my head:
99 agents are there on my list, 99 agents to try…
send off a query, get denied…98 agents are there on my list.
And the final verse:
1 agent is left on my list, 1 agent is left.
They like it, they like it, yippee hurray! Should’ve reversed my list.
And then the next section jumped into my head: 99 typos to find in my prose, 99 typos to find…fix that one, keep reading on…98 typos to find in my prose.
With a final verse: 1 typo left in my prose, 1 typo to find…fix that one, keeping reading on…now onto the second page.
I used to dislike this song also, and your parody is great! However, when I learned that it was a code for the Christian faith (with a Catholic bent) in times of persecution, it made me curious. Here’s a link to the symbolism within the song:
https://www.crosswalk.com/special-coverage/christmas-and-advent/the-twelve-days-of-christmas.html#:~:text=Originally%20a%20poem%20wr
I can’t imagine living in a world where I’d have to come up with cryptic symbols to talk about Jesus and the Bible and Christianity.
That’s just delightful, Bob. Thank you!
Funny. And a little peek into your life.
Mine would be…
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a dishwasher overly filled (family of 7).
Two dirty paws ( golden retriever)
Three sporting events (softball, hockey, cheer)
Four boxes of coffee (gotta keep up)
Five bars of chocolate ( need to smile)
Six loads of laundry ( after missing two days)
Seven dinner plates
Eight giggling girls (friends over)
Nine hungry boys (friends over)
10 Hail Mary’s ( so many rosaries)
11 “I love you’s”
12 chocolate chip cookies ( baking is a sign of love)
And no time to rewrite my novel!!!
Bob, this was so fun!
I did sing it in my mind as I read, and there is only once change I would recomment, and it’s to the first day of Christmas.
I found myself singing, “and a shredder for [my] rejection slips …”
It felt like it skipped along better to the music.
Thank you, for a smiler for today.
Debby Zigenis-Lowery