In a startling revelation this week, the Foundation for Applied Knowledge and Enterprise (FAKE) in Danville, Delaware released the findings of their ten-year research study to identify unreached markets for printed books.
Since the human market has been fully reached with books, the methodology used by FAKE was to determine which species of life on earth was advanced enough to warrant creating entire publishing categories for them.
“We began with a specific framework for our study. Since all humans evolved from other forms of life, there must be an animal in a relatively close second place to the homosapien. Once identified, we focused our attention on the needs of that market and recommend a publishing approach to reach them,” said Darwin Hooey, president and founder of FAKE.
The standards used to measure and rank life forms were:
Cognitive ability
Literacy rate
Building a form of transportation
Building a form of housing
Mass food development
Controlling environment
Ability to hold a book
Ability to operate an eBook reader
Ability to write a book
Use of a reasonably recognized monetary system
Presence of a retail market
“One point was given to a life-form showing strong association for one of the eleven standards and a fractional number given if ability was present, but not fully developed,” said Hooey.
“Honestly, we were startled by the results of our study. After careful analysis of all life forms, we determined the species representing the most likely second market for book publishers are a mammal in the Chordata phylum, a member of Rodentia order and the Castoridae family of animals.”
“They are more commonly called a beaver.”
“We at FAKE continued our study to give specific direction to publishers who wish to create projects for this market, researching categories of books and even suggesting some market-driven titles.”
In the over three thousand page government-funded FAKE report, the following titles and categories of books were suggested as having strong sales potential:
All I Need Are My Two Front Teeth: A memoir of self-reliance
Tree Bark Recipes
100 Great Lodge Designs
100 Dam Plans
All You Need is Mud: Making Your World Work for You
Exercises to Keep Your Tail Flat
The Hunger Games: Chew on It
Fifty Shades of Fur
They Called Me Rodent: Dealing with School Bullies
Hunted Down: Black Market Pelts
Great Lodges of California
Frankly My Deer I Built a Dam
Buck Teeth as a Fashion Statement
Deforestation: A Dream, A Goal, A Mission
The Urban Beaver: Hanging on by their teeth
Hairy Potter and the Half-Blood Woodchuck
Using Unarmed Traps as Household Decorations
I Leveled An Entire Forest: Confessions of an OCD Beaver
Since releasing this comprehensive report on alternate book markets, FAKE has turned it’s attention to other important and critical endeavors, mainly a study to determine which species of life would be a solid new market for new car makers. Early indications are the North American deer is a focus of further study, showing solid promise for the car industry. “They seem to gravitate to headlights,” remarked Hooey.
