As a public service to our agency clients and the general Christian publishing industry (but mostly because it is a real drag being serious all the time) here are some book concepts that will never sell.  Don’t even bother trying to develop them.

• I Never Knew You: Depressing Bible Verses
• The Dog that Returned to His Vomit: A Bible Story for All Ages
• The Eglon Diet: The Purpose Driven Knife
• Methodists are from Neptune, Presbyterians are from Jupiter
• Right Behind: Biblical Proof of a Second Rapture
• The Woman You Gave Me Made Me Eat It: Winning the Marital Blame Game
• Bible Trash-Talk: Job gets lit up and other Bible passages where God had enough
• Girls Like Sword-Drill Winners
• Cheat Codes for Awana Games
• Butch Butterman and His Friend, Mac the Friendly Ferret: Bible Stories from Weird People and Exotic Animals
• God Wants You to Have Thick Hair
• The Complete Book of Bible Complaints
• The Complete Book of Bible “Begats”
• 90 Minutes in Muscatine, Iowa
• The World Will End in 2012 (Special 2015 Update)
• Completely Unaffected: Industries, Groups and Sports Teams who will not be affected by the Rapture
• Ole Johnson’s Bible Recipes with Lefse
• Lutefisk: The Devil’s Food
• Plagiarism: And Other Secrets to Faster Sermon Preparation
• The Weak-Willed Parent: Give Your Kids What They Want so they Don’t Embarrass You in the Supermarket
• The Sharp-Dressed Usher
• You’ve Got to Stop Your Evil Ways, Baby.
• Cramming for Finals: Intense Bible Studies for people over 100.
• Moan, Whimper and Complain Your Way To Happiness
• Setting the Bar Low: Spiritual disciplines for Procrastinators and Underachievers
• A Broken Clock is Right Twice A Day: Inspirations for the Pessimist
• Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway: Tips on healthy Living for Fatalists

Finally, as a public service to novelists, a handy tool for coming up with concepts for your next award winning manuscript.

The Dan Balow Fiction Formulas:

• The (insert noun) of (insert another noun)
• (noun) of the (insert adjective and noun)
• (adjective and noun) of the (noun)
• (Christian word) of the (Christian word)
• (color) (noun) of the (noun)
• When (plural noun) see the (meteorological term)
• The (number) (plural noun) of (geographic location)
• The (something from Pottery Barn) of (name of Amish town)

And special mention to those of you who write for Enclave Publishing

• (Italian name) marries a (animal type) from (name of planet)