Hello, my friends, and welcome back. In my last blog post, I asked what topics you’d like me to discuss. One person asked about description. How do you know when you have enough? How do you know how much to keep and what to edit out? So, first, let’s talk about:
What is the purpose of description?
Description should serve a specific purpose. It’s up to you as the author to determine that purpose. There’s no set hard-and-fast rule about description. Like 200 words go “here” and 100 words go “there.” You just have to ask yourself a few questions like:
- Does my description set the scene?
- Does my description help develop the character?
- Does my description advance the plot?
In our story with Oliver and Sophia, let’s write the opening scene, then discuss the description.
Oliver Wells glanced at the clock. 7:45. He had fifteen minutes before he had to leave for the office. The pouring rain outside his kitchen window promised to be another soggy September day. “Gia, you about ready?”
“I guess.” His nine-year-old daughter dragged herself and her backpack to the table and scarfed her blueberry muffin and two strips of crisp bacon. She chugged her half glass of orange juice, then stood. “Okay, I’m ready now.” She grabbed a hair tie from her pocket and passed it to him. “You can do the honors.”
He shook his head and smiled. Her golden-brown eyes and dark skin had ceased to remind him of his ex-wife and the pain she’d caused both of them. Now, when he looked at his child, he only saw Gia. Her tender heart and willingness to help anyone who needed it was all him. Which would lead to hurt one day; but for now, he did his best to protect her and her innocence. He grimaced at his negative thoughts and focused on pulling Gia’s hair into her signature ponytail.
Footsteps on the stairs turned his attention to his mother. She was dressed in her usual leggings and long t-shirt, tennis shoes, and smart watch. It was Monday. She’d drop Gia at school, then head to her Pilates class at the gym around the corner. “I’ve got to go, ladies.” He kissed Gia on the head. “I’ll see you after school. Have a good day.”
“Are you going to put together a face today?” Gia asked, stuffing another piece of bacon in her mouth.
As a forensic artist, he often spent his days reconstructing skulls to help find missing people. “Yes, ma’am. Say a prayer for the unknown family. Whoever they are, they’re missing her.”
“Okay, Daddy. I will.”
He bussed his mother’s cheek, then hurried out the door to climb in his car, thanking God for the little things in life—like garages. And daughters who prayed. And mothers who helped take care of grandchildren. Okay, maybe the last two weren’t so little.
Fifteen minutes later, he pulled into the parking space at his lab, ducked his head against the rain that slowed to a drizzle, and hurried inside. He was early. As usual. But he liked being the only one in the place. It gave him time to map out his day before the interruptions started. He swiped his card and pushed through the door. Only to come to a halt. “What the–?”
The words echoed in the silence while his gaze took in the destruction. His heart thundered in his ears. Someone had broken into his lab and turned it into a chaotic mess of broken equipment, torn notes, and shattered laptop as if they were searching for something specific and wanted to leave as much devastation as possible in their wake. He reached for his phone and dialed 911 when a sound from behind the bathroom snagged his focus.
So, here we have the opening scene. Keep in mind, I just drafted this for this post, so it might need a little editing. But for now, let’s go with using it for the purpose of learning about description.
Let’s talk about the first question:
Does my description set the scene? What does that mean exactly?
Readers need to be anchored into place. They need to know where the characters are because that’s where the reader will be. So, some description establishes the time and place of the story.
Did this scene to that?
Do you know where the characters are? Do you know the kind of story this is going to be only from this scene?
Take a look at your own work, and ask yourself that question as you read through your description. Next time, I’ll talk more about description using this same scene.