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The Steve Laube Agency

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Helping to Change the World Word by Word

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Editing 101 – My Turn

By Karen Ballon January 23, 2013
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Thanks for all the great comments and conversation on what needed to be edited in the text I posted in my last blog (Editing 101 – Y0ur Turn). You all made some great observations!

Below you’ll find the edited text. I tried doing it in Track Changes, which is what I usually use to edit a manuscript, but the blog server didn’t like that much. So I’ve made the edits red (think the dreaded red pen), and highlighted my comments for the author (who happens to be me, so I don’t say in my comments what I always say to my authors: feel free to change as you wish! It’s imperative the author knows my edits are suggestions, not mandates). The comments follow the section they refer to.

Sorry if this is confusing. Ah, the joys of finding programs that play nice together.

See if you agree with what I felt were the main editing issues.

_____

Sammy said it was a long time since he seen Rufus. Said the ol’ dog shoulda been home long time ago. Said somethin’ musta happened to the mutt and said it was my fault fer bein’ so stupid and not tyin’ him up when I shoulda.

EdNote: Dialect works well to give us a sense of place and characters, but be careful not to overuse it. It can become a speed bump for the readers, and the last thing you want to do is bump the reader out of the story while he tries to figure out what you’re saying. Also, best to stick with usual spelling, especially with small words like sew/so and wh’n/when. With those words, the readers eye just blips over them. You don’t want to make the reader stop and have to figure out what the word is.

“Gilly, you no good” he said to me. Like he was so good and special.

EdNote: Shift in tense here. You started out in past tense, this is present tense. Need to stay consistent.

We lived on the coast, but I hardly ever saw the ocean. We lived deep in the woods, in this rundown shack Sammy called a house. We didn’t go to town much. Just to buy food. I hated going to town. People always gave me

EdNote: Nice bit of info and characterization here, but you changed from first person POV to third. Need to stay consistent.

that curled–up–nose look. One time a fancy-dressed lady called me “little white trash.” Didn’t know what that meant, so I asked Sammy.

EdNote: Missing punctuation with the adjective. Also structure was confusing. Most people know what that kind of look means, so no need for the “bad smell” explanation.  

“Means stupid.” Now he had that curled-up-nose look. “Means you’re stupid. Like when you don’t tie up the dog.”

EdNote: Missing punctuation with dialogue. Also, inserted a beat to add texture.  

But I didn’t like tying up the dog. The rope was too short. He couldn’t move around. I wouldn’t wanna tied up like that. “Don’t want to tie him up.”

EdNote: Shift in character voice. She’s suddenly sounding educated. Let’s keep her voice consistent.

“What I care what you want?”

Sammy snarls the words. Like a dog with a bone warnin’ another dog to stand clear.

“I telled you to tie ol’ Rufus up last night, and you didn’t. Again. So guess what? Ol’ Rufus is off somewhere, visiting garbage cans and makin’ hisself sick. No good girl.” Sammy looks at the ceiling, like someone up there is listenin’ to him. “If I’d had a son, he woulda listened. But no. I got this no-good girl of a daughter. She never listens to me. Darned girl.”

Ed Note: POV shift from Gilly to Sammy. You need to stay in one POV in the scene. Head-hopping just confuses the reader.

He looks back at me, then, and I wish he hadn’t.

EdNote: Use a beat here to show he’s talking to her now rather than the ceiling.

“If’n that dog dies, I’m gonna make you wish you’d gone with him!”

He’s yellin’ again. Doesn’t bother me much. Sammy always yells. At me. At Rufus. At the ceiling. “I already wish I’d gone with him. Anythin’s better than bein’ here with you.” I choked on the last words. Don’t know why. Just did.

He didn’t answer, but I knew what he was thinkin’.  What he always thought, and said, when he looked at me like that.

How much he wished I hadn’t been born.

Well, that’s fine.

I didn’t think all that much of him, either.

EdNote: Edits here to add texture, to get us inside Gilly’s head. We need to see what she’s thinking and feeling—to feel it ourselves. If you keep us distant from her, we won’t care what happens to her.

_____________________

In the next few weeks we’ll talk about the specific issues I addressed, why they matter, and how we writers can create a “self-editing” checklist to use on our own work. We’ll also discuss putting together a style sheet that you can send with your manuscript to an editor to ensure your preferences and writing style are understood and honored.

But for right now, I’d love to know:

Anything you think I shouldn’t have changed?

Anything I missed?

Any questions?

 

Let me hear your thoughts.

Leave a Comment
Category: Craft, Editing, Karen, Writing CraftTag: Editing, Writing Craft

News You Can Use – Jan. 22, 2013

By Steve Laubeon January 22, 2013
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Why Online Book Discovery is Broken (and how to fix it) – Fascinating article by Laura Hazard Owen. This is the first time I’ve heard someone describe it as “broken.” Instead we keep hearing that “discoverability” is the main feature of the online book selling process.

Create a QR Code Campaign to Market Your Book – I have to admit, the picture leading this post got my attention. Brilliant. …

Read moreNews You Can Use – Jan. 22, 2013
Category: News You Can Use, Steve

Fun Fridays – Jan. 18, 2013

By Steve Laubeon January 18, 2013
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Please watch this wonderful and inspirational video. While it isn't "funny" it made me smile.

Below is a trailer for "Landfill Harmonic" an upcoming feature-length documentary about a remarkable orchestra from a remote village in Paraguay, where its young musicians play with instruments made from trash.

Landfill Harmonic movie teaser from Landfill Harmonic on Vimeo.

Unrelated to the …

Read moreFun Fridays – Jan. 18, 2013
Category: Fun Fridays, Steve

Questions About Editors, Countries, and Awards

By Tamela Hancock Murrayon January 17, 2013
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This blog is a continuation of my question-and-answer session in response to queries posted on a recent post.

1) Would you be able to get access to briefs from editors on what they are looking for and suggest to the author if there are any mutually interesting topics or genres?

Yes. Between the three of us, our agency has 81 years in publishing experience. During this time, we have forged …

Read moreQuestions About Editors, Countries, and Awards
Category: Agents, Awards, Conferences, Get Published, TamelaTag: Agents, Awards, Editors

News You Can Use – Jan. 15, 2013

By Steve Laubeon January 15, 2013
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Successful Query Letters for Agents – A fascinating collection of 23 links to actual query letters that sold a book….organized by genre!

Goodreads vs Facebook Ads – an Experiment – A fascinating article by Angela Quarles on two marketing outlets available to every author.

Of Books and Bedbugs – This story is full of the “ick” factor. The article is called “It was a Dark and Itchy Night.” …

Read moreNews You Can Use – Jan. 15, 2013
Category: News You Can Use, Steve

Answers from the Mountaintop

By Tamela Hancock Murrayon January 10, 2013
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(Or, from my desk in Virginia, where I am fueled by bold, rich coffee)

Before Christmas, when I posted about having a serious talk with your agent, a couple of you asked more questions. I really appreciate you! Over the next few weeks, I'll provide my perspective on various questions. I want my posts to be a source of good, helpful information, so feel free to make more queries in the …

Read moreAnswers from the Mountaintop
Category: Agents, Book Business, Get Published, Tamela, Writing CraftTag: Agents, Get Published

Editing 101 – Your Turn

By Karen Ballon January 9, 2013
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I’ve had a number of writers ask me if I can show an edited page from a manuscript, so they can learn from it. So that seems a fun way to start out the New Year. But what I want to do is let YOU take a turn as an editor first. So here, for your editing pleasure, is something I wrote just for this occasion. Print this out, put on your editing hat, and go for it. I’ll post the edited text next week, …

Read moreEditing 101 – Your Turn
Category: Craft, Editing, Grammar, Karen, Writing CraftTag: Editing, Writing Craft

News You Can Use – Jan. 8, 2013

By Steve Laubeon January 8, 2013
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Innaccurate BookScan Numbers and the Plight of the Author – Colleen Doran digs into the sales numbers listed in Amazon’s Author Central. These are based on the National BookScan service used as a bible by major publishers to determine the success of failure of your backlist titles if done by another publisher. We have LONG argued that the Nielson BookScan service does not reflect the majority of …

Read moreNews You Can Use – Jan. 8, 2013
Category: News You Can Use, Steve

The Writing Book for Your Year

By Steve Laubeon January 7, 2013
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by Steve Laube

Note the title of this post did not say “of the year” but “for your year.” It is rare for me to recommend books on writing because there are so many good ones out there, but this one is an exception.

The spiritual foundation of the writer is critical to surviving and even thriving in the call as an artist.  Acceptable Words: Prayers for the Writer (published by Eerdmans) …

Read moreThe Writing Book for Your Year
Category: Book Review, Faith, Reading, Steve, TheologyTag: Book Review, Faith, Reading, Writers

Fun Fridays – Jan. 4, 2013

By Steve Laubeon January 4, 2013
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Try out these New Year's Resolutions for yourself:

Read moreFun Fridays – Jan. 4, 2013
Category: Fun Fridays, Tamela
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