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The Steve Laube Agency

The Steve Laube Agency

Helping to Change the World Word by Word

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Home » Humor » Page 2

Humor

An Author Knows They are Having a Bad Day When…

By Dan Balowon October 24, 2017
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“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”  (First lines of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst, Simon & Shuster, 1972.)

An author knows they are having a bad day when (with great help from Steve, Bob, and Tamela, who each contributed to this list):

Your agent rejects all of your latest ideas.

Your royalty check is 90% less than the last one.

Your publisher decides they don’t want to publish book three in your trilogy.

Your publisher is sold to another company and everyone you knew is no longer there.

You get three one-star reviews on Amazon that specifically reference your lack of writing ability.

Someone else wins the award you were hoping to win.

You spend the money to attend a conference to meet a specific faculty member…that canceled at the last minute.

You discover that your offline backup wasn’t backing anything up…after your hard drive crashed.

When the pizza delivery guy seems so much like part of the family you are tempted to add him to your Christmas card list.

You misspell your own name.

You misspell mispell.

You spill coffee on the computer keyboard and it improves your work-in-progress.

A box of your first book arrives at the front door and it is someone else’ book. And worse, it was your next idea! You always thought about writing a dystopian book for children, but this other author beat you to it.  Dag nab it.

You question your publisher about a royalty statement believing the payment amount is too low and discover instead you were overpaid. But they thank you for calling it to their attention.

Your agent calls you to tell about an offer on your book, and realize they called the wrong client.

When writing as a process of discovery, your favorite character is killed off in a freak accident, meaning the big climax must now be completely re-written. Don’t mess with the process.

The auto-correct function has been inserting profanity throughout the manuscript. Thank goodness for the find all/replace all function in Word.

You are 90% completed with your manuscript and you read an article about another more famous author writing on the same subject. Seriously? Famous roller coasters of Rhode Island? That’s my idea!

During a lightning storm, a bolt of lightning strikes the house and fries your laptop on which you are writing, destroying just one file…the manuscript you are working on. Makes you question God’s leading for your book.

Your Turn:

Okay, these are starter ideas. Now it’s your turn to finish the sentence, “An author knows they are having a bad day when…”

Leave a Comment
Category: Humor, The Writing LifeTag: Authors, Humor, The Writing Life

Perfect Christian Book Titles

By Dan Balowon September 12, 2017
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Once in a while, an author and/or publisher come up with the perfect title for a Christian book. Not just something which explains the contents, but the perfect title. No wasted words. It just leaves you speechless. The best title ever (in my humble opinion) was Joel Osteen’s bestseller, Your Best Life Now. It’s perfect. It’s not about someone else, it’s about you. It doesn’t promise a “better …

Read morePerfect Christian Book Titles
Category: Book Proposals, Humor, MarketingTag: Book Titles, Humor

Exclamation Points!!! Avoid or Embrace?!

By Tamela Hancock Murrayon December 15, 2016
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I love using exclamation points! Don’t you? How about interrobang sentences?! Finally, I think we should bring those back, don’t you?! And not just in dialogue, but in narrative! Finally, shouldn’t readers just really ought to be able to keep up with run-on sentences, no matter how complex, or whether or not they stay on topic, and I wonder how many people could diagram a sentence that’s simple, …

Read moreExclamation Points!!! Avoid or Embrace?!
Category: Craft, Creativity, Grammar, HumorTag: Craft, Grammar, Humor

The Unintentionally Funny Headline

By Steve Laubeon October 3, 2016
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I came across the following headline in a recent publisher-related newsletter: “Speculative Authors Fight Mental Illness” I thought to myself “I know what they meant by the headline, but could it also be interpreted that authors who write speculative fiction are mentally ill?” There are some who call science fiction and fantasy writers “weird” but this headline …

Read moreThe Unintentionally Funny Headline
Category: Craft, Humor, Marketing, Writing CraftTag: Craft, Humor, Writing Craft

Why I Wouldn’t Represent Bible People

By Dan Balowon September 6, 2016
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Taking a cue from the media ads for various prescription drugs, including a legal disclaimer in any communication protects everyone from legal jeopardy or in this case, condemnation. God inspired the Bible and the thoughts expressed in it are exactly as God intended. No one shall add or take away anything. The following satire is intended for entertainment value only. The opinions expressed are …

Read moreWhy I Wouldn’t Represent Bible People
Category: Agents, Humor, PlatformTag: Humor, Platform

You Say Tomato, I Hear Guacamole

By Dan Balowon April 5, 2016
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I have a hearing problem. My ears are fine. For some reason listening to songs like Smoke on the Water and LaGrange on my headphones forty years ago had little or no effect on my eardrums. But over the years, I’ve begun to hear something different than what is being spoken. Come to think about it, maybe it was Deep Purple and ZZ Top that caused this. Politician says: “I can solve the problem.” I …

Read moreYou Say Tomato, I Hear Guacamole
Category: Agency, Communication, HumorTag: Communication, Humor

A Sensational New Market for Books is Found

By Dan Balowon April 1, 2016
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In a startling revelation this week, the Foundation for Applied Knowledge and Enterprise (FAKE) in Danville, Delaware released the findings of their ten-year research study to identify unreached markets for printed books. Since the human market has been fully reached with books, the methodology used by FAKE was to determine which species of life on earth was advanced enough to warrant creating …

Read moreA Sensational New Market for Books is Found
Category: Fun Fridays, HumorTag: Humor

Nuclear Santa

By Dan Balowon December 22, 2015
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Sixty years ago this week in 1955, Sears Roebuck ran the following print ad in a Colorado Springs newspaper: What a lovely thought. Santa (the real one, not some department store fake) announcing “Hey Kiddies! Call me direct.” There was only one problem, the phone number was already taken by the Continental Air Defense Command in Colorado Springs, the predecessor to the North American Air Defense …

Read moreNuclear Santa
Category: HumorTag: Christmas, Humor

Duh Blog

By Dan Balowon September 1, 2015
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Kyle Idelman’s AHA: The God Moment That Changes Everything (David C. Cook, 2014) is my inspiration today. If ever I write a book, it will be DUH: The Things That Never Change (Big Publisher, 20??) Today, I will reveal those things that are absolute truth that everyone should know. If you don’t, I have no advice for you. DUH would not be a self-help book because it doesn’t suggest a solution to any …

Read moreDuh Blog
Category: HumorTag: Humor

Eyes Open, Antennae Up

By Dan Balowon June 16, 2015
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I can find humor anywhere. It’s a gift…or a curse. I waver on that regularly. About 35 years ago I was in a small grocery store across from our apartment to pick up a few things we needed. We didn’t have much storage space so we went to the store multiple times each week for few things each time, usually diapers and baby formula. To this day, I can still see the well-dressed middle age woman in …

Read moreEyes Open, Antennae Up
Category: Craft, CreativityTag: Creativity, Humor, Writing Craft
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