Anything that has been around for almost 70 years with a billion copies in print should be used as material for blog posts once in a while. The kid’s magazine Highlights was first published in mid-1946 and was an integral part of the Boomer generation right up to kids currently in first grade in 2015.

One of the features in Highlights from the very beginning was a cartoon of Goofus and Gallant, teaching various social skills to kids.

Authors, editors and agents are targets of today’s post. If you will, there will be “no turn un-stoned.”

Today, consider yourself back in school as Goofus and Gallant attend a writer’s conference:

Gallant the editor has all presentation material neatly prepared ahead of time.
Goofus the editor writes notes on the airsick bags on the flight out.

Gallant the agent has all icebreaker jokes for the agent panel field-tested before arrival.
Goofus the agent releases white mice around the room before the start to get everybody “loose”.

Gallant the author has his proposal pitch materials neatly organized for an efficient presentation.
Goofus the author uses presentations to wrap up a cookie for later.

Gallant the editor listens intently to every author pitch.
Goofus the editor keeps her earplugs in, listening to Air Supply Greatest Hits on her iPod during presentations.

Gallant the agent always laughs at appropriate times to put authors at ease.
Goofus the agent laughs at author presentations to make authors leave him alone.

Gallant the author thinks of ways to effectively present their book.
Goofus the author thinks of ways to effectively hold three plates at the buffet.

Gallant the editor offers to help a new author re-write their opening sentences.
Goofus the editor talks about how he should be a famous author and no one appreciates him.

Gallant the agent has special chocolates for author meetings.
Goofus the agent eats a plate of hot wings during author meetings.

Gallant the author sits attentively in every training session learning to improve their author platform.
Goofus the author is tormented why they are not the ones teaching on the platform.

Gallant the editor takes time to carefully consider each author pitch meeting.
Goofus the editor keeps taking phone calls during each author pitch meeting.

Gallant the agent arrives on time for every appointment.
Goofus the agent arrives on time for every meal.

Gallant the author hopes to glean important insights from best-selling authors.
Goofus the author hopes to find a way to “eliminate” the competition.

Gallant the editor makes himself available to meet with anyone.
Goofus the editor wears a wig, glasses and a fake name badge to all functions.

Gallant the agent tells everyone that Steve Laube is the smartest man alive.
Goofus the agent tells everyone that Steve Laube eats Cheez-its all day when he is in the office.

Call me Goofus.