As a public service to our agency clients and the general Christian publishing industry (but mostly because it is a real drag being serious all the time) here are some book concepts that will never sell. Don’t even bother trying to develop them.
- I Never Knew You: Depressing Bible Verses
- The Dog that Returned to His Vomit: A Bible Story for All Ages
- The Eglon Diet: The Purpose Driven Knife
- Methodists are from Neptune, Presbyterians are from Jupiter
- Right Behind: Biblical Proof of a Second Rapture
- The Woman You Gave Me Made Me Eat It: Winning the Marital Blame Game
- Bible Trash-Talk: Job gets lit up and other Bible passages where God had enough
- Girls Like Sword-Drill Winners
- Cheat Codes for Awana Games
- Butch Butterman and His Friend, Mac the Friendly Ferret: Bible Stories from Weird People and Exotic Animals
- God Wants You to Have Thick Hair
- The Complete Book of Bible Complaints
- The Complete Book of Bible “Begats”
- 90 Minutes in Muscatine, Iowa
- The World Will End in 2012 (Special 2015 Update)
- Completely Unaffected: Industries, Groups and Sports Teams who will not be affected by the Rapture
- Ole Johnson’s Bible Recipes with Lefse
- Lutefisk: The Devil’s Food
- Plagiarism: And Other Secrets to Faster Sermon Preparation
- The Weak-Willed Parent: Give Your Kids What They Want so they Don’t Embarrass You in the Supermarket
- The Sharp-Dressed Usher
- You’ve Got to Stop Your Evil Ways, Baby.
- Cramming for Finals: Intense Bible Studies for people over 100.
- Moan, Whimper and Complain Your Way To Happiness
- Setting the Bar Low: Spiritual disciplines for Procrastinators and Underachievers
- A Broken Clock is Right Twice A Day: Inspirations for the Pessimist
- Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway: Tips on healthy Living for Fatalists
Finally, as a public service to novelists, a handy tool for coming up with concepts for your next award winning manuscript.
The Dan Balow Fiction Formulas:
- The (insert noun) of (insert another noun)
- (noun) of the (insert adjective and noun)
- (adjective and noun) of the (noun)
- (Christian word) of the (Christian word)
- (color) (noun) of the (noun)
- When (plural noun) see the (meteorological term)
- The (number) (plural noun) of (geographic location)
- The (something from Pottery Barn) of (name of Amish town)
And special mention to those of you who write for Enclave Publishing
- (Italian name) marries a (animal type) from (name of planet)