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The Steve Laube Agency

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Helping to Change the World Word by Word

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Home » Humor » Page 2

Humor

Exciting Developments In Book Publishing

By Dan Balowon May 1, 2018
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As changes in the marketplace require publishers, authors, and agents adapt continually, a number of entirely new initiatives and companies are springing into action to serve various parts of an ever-evolving industry.

Here are some of the most interesting new things to keep on your radar:

Elf-Publishing – as books become shorter, it’s natural for the elf-publishing industry to take root. Requiring smaller office space and fewer workers (because they all work 24/7) the elf-publishing trend will revolutionize certain categories of books.

Amish Proofreaders – while they can only work during the day and make edit marks with homemade charcoal pencils, they are paid in barn-raisings and seed corn. Some problems occur with certain book categories, like science fiction, but those books are now edited by…

Cyborg editors and proofreaders – talk about 24/7 workers! These editors take no breaks, require very little care, other than periodic software upgrades when vocabulary changes cause editing glitches. The greatest benefit with cyborgs is when authors become angry at recommended edits, they simply go into “sleep” mode, eliminating the acrimonious interchanges which were once common.

Plagiarism Publishing, Inc. – a startup company publishing legal thrillers by John Grissom, classic stories by Charles Dickenson and Jane Austenopolus, and children’s books by Dr. Seussinski.  They employ eleven full time staff, of which seven are attorneys. A company to watch with their unique business model. Strangely, no phone number or email is available to contact them directly and they accept no submissions. Company motto is “We love other writers’ stories.”

Book delivery by carrier pigeon – direct from the warehouse and arrival faster than you can say, “Hey, what’s that junk on my windshield?” While only able to carry one paperback book at a time, it is a “green” response to the drone-delivery industry.

Custom book recommendations – instead of a computer algorithm calculating your next purchase based on a mysterious set of factors, this new service will employ retired grade school librarians who will roam the aisles of a book retailer, first telling you to keep your voice down, remind you what you are reading at the moment will rot your brain and recommend you read something more educational. Since they don’t know you at all, they have no idea what you might want to read, but at least they got you to keep your voice down and stop brain rot. Final results on outcome is pending. Online versions are being developed under the brand name, “Marian, the all-knowing librarian.”

Exploding dye-packs – embedded in books which activate if every page is not read within a certain period of time. Stubborn dye stains will result in extensive cleanup. So, just read the book in two weeks and you will be fine. Marketing results still under review.

Robo-call follow-up – “So, have you finished the book yet? Press one if you have, press two if you have not.  If you pressed two, select from the following menu: Press one because you didn’t like the book, press two if you haven’t started yet, press three if you lost the book, press four if you gave it to someone else, press five if an animal destroyed it, press six if you need more time, press seven if you probably won’t finish it no matter what, press eight if you really liked it, but didn’t finish it before an animal destroyed it, press nine if you have no excuse, or press pound if you want this entire menu repeated. If you pressed nine, what’s the problem? You think you are the only person on this planet, and can do whatever you like? Come on, there are millions of people in the world who cannot afford books.”

Former organized crime kingpins as literary agents – a real game changer in contract negotiation processes with publishers. While some authors are initially hesitant to employ a “wise guy” to represent them, the results speak for themselves. Sure, it might reflect badly on the author’s reputation, but when the agent gets the “moral turpitude” and “publisher has the right to edit the manuscript” clauses out of their contract, and add “If anything goes wrong, it’s the publisher’s fault,” being an author becomes a lot more enjoyable.

 

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Category: Humor, The Publishing LifeTag: Humor, The Publishing Life, Trends

You Have the Right to Write Rite. Right?

By Steve Laubeon March 26, 2018
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by Anonymous: When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write, if the copy is right. If however, your copy falls over, you must right your copy. If you write religious services you write rite, and have the right to copyright the rite you write. Very conservative people write right copy, and have the right to copyright the right copy they write. A right wing cleric would …

Read moreYou Have the Right to Write Rite. Right?
Category: HumorTag: Humor

The Twelve Statements Before Christmas

By Dan Balowon December 19, 2017
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I pondered whether I should write this post in verse to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas, but since there would be a lot of copy/paste activity involved, I didn’t feel like readers would get their money’s worth. Instead, I’ll do this in simple list form, focusing on twelve statements from 2017, which left me speechless. And if you knew me personally, you would know there are very few …

Read moreThe Twelve Statements Before Christmas
Category: Book Proposals, HumorTag: book proposals, Christmas, Humor, Pitching

An Author Knows They are Having a Bad Day When…

By Dan Balowon October 24, 2017
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“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”  (First lines of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst, Simon & …

Read moreAn Author Knows They are Having a Bad Day When…
Category: Humor, The Writing LifeTag: Authors, Humor, The Writing Life

Perfect Christian Book Titles

By Dan Balowon September 12, 2017
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Once in a while, an author and/or publisher come up with the perfect title for a Christian book. Not just something which explains the contents, but the perfect title. No wasted words. It just leaves you speechless. The best title ever (in my humble opinion) was Joel Osteen’s bestseller, Your Best Life Now. It’s perfect. It’s not about someone else, it’s about you. It doesn’t promise a “better …

Read morePerfect Christian Book Titles
Category: Book Proposals, Humor, MarketingTag: Book Titles, Humor

Exclamation Points!!! Avoid or Embrace?!

By Tamela Hancock Murrayon December 15, 2016
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I love using exclamation points! Don’t you? How about interrobang sentences?! Finally, I think we should bring those back, don’t you?! And not just in dialogue, but in narrative! Finally, shouldn’t readers just really ought to be able to keep up with run-on sentences, no matter how complex, or whether or not they stay on topic, and I wonder how many people could diagram a sentence that’s simple, …

Read moreExclamation Points!!! Avoid or Embrace?!
Category: Craft, Creativity, Grammar, HumorTag: Craft, Grammar, Humor

The Unintentionally Funny Headline

By Steve Laubeon October 3, 2016
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I came across the following headline in a recent publisher-related newsletter: “Speculative Authors Fight Mental Illness” I thought to myself “I know what they meant by the headline, but could it also be interpreted that authors who write speculative fiction are mentally ill?” There are some who call science fiction and fantasy writers “weird” but this headline …

Read moreThe Unintentionally Funny Headline
Category: Craft, Humor, Marketing, Writing CraftTag: Craft, Humor, Writing Craft

Why I Wouldn’t Represent Bible People

By Dan Balowon September 6, 2016
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Taking a cue from the media ads for various prescription drugs, including a legal disclaimer in any communication protects everyone from legal jeopardy or in this case, condemnation. God inspired the Bible and the thoughts expressed in it are exactly as God intended. No one shall add or take away anything. The following satire is intended for entertainment value only. The opinions expressed are …

Read moreWhy I Wouldn’t Represent Bible People
Category: Agents, Humor, PlatformTag: Humor, Platform

You Say Tomato, I Hear Guacamole

By Dan Balowon April 5, 2016
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I have a hearing problem. My ears are fine. For some reason listening to songs like Smoke on the Water and LaGrange on my headphones forty years ago had little or no effect on my eardrums. But over the years, I’ve begun to hear something different than what is being spoken. Come to think about it, maybe it was Deep Purple and ZZ Top that caused this. Politician says: “I can solve the problem.” I …

Read moreYou Say Tomato, I Hear Guacamole
Category: Agency, Communication, HumorTag: Communication, Humor

A Sensational New Market for Books is Found

By Dan Balowon April 1, 2016
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In a startling revelation this week, the Foundation for Applied Knowledge and Enterprise (FAKE) in Danville, Delaware released the findings of their ten-year research study to identify unreached markets for printed books. Since the human market has been fully reached with books, the methodology used by FAKE was to determine which species of life on earth was advanced enough to warrant creating …

Read moreA Sensational New Market for Books is Found
Category: Fun Fridays, HumorTag: Humor
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